Breast Cancer In Dogs

yeah, walter.hi, it's george. i know it's my third callon a saturday, but i'm havinga bit of a problem with the lockwisehelping hand account. now, i know it's your baby, and i knowyou'll straighten it out, but, well,i'm thinking of headinginto the office today to see if i can sort it out. so, no problems.we'll see you on monday.

don't worry about it.give my love to rebecca. bye-bye. barbara, stop it. no. you need this. no, i will not. george! george, yes.where is george? i would liketo speak to him.

i don't know. i don't even knowwho you are, young lady. oh, george. thank god. george, who isthis young lady? here, honey. that's, uh... i can't do this. that's my wife, mom.

mmm-hmm. she's too young. how old is she? we were marriednine years ago, remember? she's nine years old? our marriageis nine years old, our marriage. oh... (chuckles)

she's the second one. ew! no. oh, i adoredthe other one. i know, mom, but, you know,she tried to kill me. oh, no, she didn't.that was just a little hit-and-run. yeah, well,i was in traction for two months. i don't remember that. (sighs)

here you go. ooh, i like this one. well, that's the mostpopular one. yeah. there you go. we aren't done with this. yes, i know. i know. and why areyou wearing a shirt and tie on a saturday?

i have to gointo the office. you're goinginto the office? yes. when? now. george, aren't youforgetting something? no, i'm not. i love you. nice try. your son.

you promised himyou would take him to his baseball game today. i'm nottelling him this time. you do it. honey, i'll beback in time. the game doesn'tstart until 2:00. 1:00. i'll be back. howie: mom, dad,grandma isn't eating.

(groans) god, i hate old people. uh... watch your mouth,young lady. why? it's not likeshe understands anything we're saying. you know what?i've had just about enough of your attitude. hello? you listening? ipod. they were madeto ignore the stepmother.

george? honey, would you takethose things off, please, and listen to your mother? okay, she is not my mother. she's the motherof that thing. you're the thing. cindy: you're a thing. howie:you're a thing, sister. don't call me that.

dad, i'm really excitedabout the game today. it's gonna be so coolhaving you there. jeremy's dadis always there, but he yells at meif i miss the ball. well, that's not gonnahappen today, son. now, i've got to runto the office, but i'll be back in timeto take you to your game. you promise? scout's honor.

kate: don't forget. i:00. he's not coming. that was the star trek sign. he's a trekkie. and so am i. morning, jackie. hello. don't you wish it wasthis quiet every day? be careful what you wish for.

(exhales) (romantic song playing) (off-key) ♪ gotta be mine ♪ gotta be strong ♪ a little while ♪ and you got nothing to be guilty of ♪ jackie: you might not wanna sing that song. (people clamoring) man 1:okay. shred everything.

man 2: my shredder's broken.i need another shredder! man 3: here we go! man 2: who's got one? man 1: don't leaveany evidence. nothing. okay? man 3: put 'em in a box! man 4: let me through.let me through. man 1: shred everything!here, here. right here! (clamoring continues)

man 3: all the boxes! man 1: all right.grab those two! what are you doing? just get it in here!anything! man 4: i got one more! man 1: is it the last quarter? man 4: yeah. man 1: dump everything! george, come in here, buddy.

come in, come in, come in. walter, what's going on? hey, listen, pull your moneyout of the bank, cash in all your stocksand bonds by 10:00 a.m. monday morning. why? well, cnn is doingone of those investigative reports about lockwise industries.

(laughs) oh! that's fantastic.that'll be great for business. not really.they're gonna say we've been running a ponzi schemefor seven years. well, theycan't say that, walter. that's libelous. i mean, this firm's beenoperating successfully

for over 100 years. yeah, yeah, they're focusingon the charity division, helping hands. helping hands has been goingstrong for over eight years. i should know. i'm cfo. (chuckles)yeah. yeah, you are. could you say that again,the part about the cfo? i'm cfo. i should know. (echoes on recorder)

right. perfect, perfect.thanks. walter, are they reportingthat it's our division? mmm-hmm. yeah.your division. but i have all the records. whoa! say that again. perfect. now shred them. walter. what are you saying? i'm sayingthat all the monies

that came intolockwise industries' helping handscharity investment group are part of a big,old ponzi scheme. what? (chuckles) yeah. christ. it worked for a while. i almost feel badfor hanging you out to dry like this. you should seeyour face, dude.

and by the way, this is notgonna be pretty for you. (laughing) i feel awful. horrible. (stammering) what? but... for me? you werea lowly accountant, remember? and then i pull youout of bookkeeping and make you the cfo. i mean, you hadno experience whatsoever.

none. none at all. i had worked here five yearsprior to that, walter. i was working hard. you did work hard. i thought i earned it. nobody earns it around here. i had to bang my wayto the top. and there's a lotof big women on theboard of directors here.

and that was hard,and it was hard to stay hard. so don't talk to meabout "hard." okay? you were paida seven-figure salary for exactly this reason. what reason? (scoffs)so you could take the fall. man, you've been paidto be screwed. kind of jealous. oh, well. walter, i knewnothing about this.

yeah, i know.i know. sorry. would have ruined itif you had, kind of. oh! well, that explains why i couldn't getthose accounts to balance. now you're thinking. what about the charities?walter, 82 charities. they thinktheir monies are safe. i'm handing you overto the feds,

and all you care aboutis the stupid charities? by the way,there's only 12 charities. there's 82 charities. no, there's 12. the other 70 companies wereset up by the malone family. awkward. whew! the mafia malones? you've beenlaundering money, dude. (laughs)

yeah, this is gonna bereally awful for you. hey, man, be carefulwhen you start your car. this is not happening. a ponzi scheme?a ponzi scheme? walter, where arethe investors' monies? walter? walter! (gasping) okay, calm down.calm, calm, calm. calm down.

that's it. that's it. just calm down. oh. i'm not calming.i'm not calming. i'm not calming. (sighs) hey, boss,just the person i wanna see. what do you have? so i've been looking into themalone crime family, right? and the morei look at them, i'm finding that they'reconnected to this company

that does a lot of charityinvestment work, called lockwise. yes? i think they may belaundering money through them. we've been afterthese guys for years. why don't you seewhat you can find out, okay? okay. thanks a lot.

(george whimpering) (starts engine) (george mumbling) (george moaning) i've been calling youfor hours. yeah, i know. i know. how is he? he was upset,but he'll be fine. that's good.

is it true? oh, come on, george.don't play games with me. all the wives were talkingabout it at the field today. oh. honey, i swear i had no ideathis was going on. okay? none. i walked into the office,and there's walter, and he's saying,

"why don't you shred stuff?shred whatever you have. "shred what's in your desk.just shred everything." and i'm going,"what's going on?" and he's saying,"you're gonna take the fall for this, "because it'sa ponzi scheme. "it's a ponzi scheme,and you're the one. "you're going down,'cause you're the cfo." you know? i mean,they gave bernie madoff

200 years, honey. what do you thinkthey're gonna do to me? what do you thinkthey're gonna do? and what's gonna happenwith the kids? what's gonna happen? howie's afraid, you know,"dad, you missed a game." i'm gonna miss 38 seasons. sweetheart, i'm in trouble. um...

we need to get a lawyer. a lawyer. and then you needto go to your mom's and go findyour mom's valium. get a valiumout of my mom's purse. okay. can you do that?like right now. and you need to calm down. honey. it's gonna be okay.

it will be. it will be. you know, minimum security.it's not that bad. lorraine: hey, madea. hey, lorraine, how you doing?good to see you. lord, it's a zoo up in thereon the first of the month. excuse me, ma'am.you wanna take this? i don't feel liketaking it back. thank you so much.it's crazy up in there. be careful.

they ain't takingthat ebt card. they stopped taking that. i got to go somewhere elsethat take that. yeah, i got to go burn upmy ebt card. give me your money. (chuckles) that's a cutelittle gun you got, boy. get out this car. lady, i willstab and shoot you. son, i'm gonna tell you thisone time, okay?

i want you toget out of this car and go onabout your business. go get you a job. you ain't supposedto be stealing from nobodyworking as hard as i... what the hell you gotto come over here and steal from the poor for? get out the car.this is your warning, son. get out the car.now, go on.

then give me your money! i worked for yearsto get my social security. now, i finally got it.i ain't on no fixed income. i'm on a broke income,'cause i'm broke as hell. now, i want you to getthe hell out of this car. this is your chance.get out of the car, son. go on, now.go get you a job. i'm gonna ask youone more time, old woman. i'm gonna tell youone more time.

look here!get out of this car. go find you a job.do you understand me? they got peopleall over the world that is working hard, and y'all young thugsgonna come try to take moneyfrom somebody. that makes me mad.now, you about to make me mad. you about to piss me off.now, get on out the car, son.

i'm gonna count to three. (breathing heavily)one, two, three. four. five. i thought you wasgonna count to three. son. son, son,let me tell you something. get out the carand go on about your business. now, this isyour last chance.

this is your last chance.now i got to go. one more time. one, two... three! (mugger screaming) let's go this way. put your seat belt on.you need a car seat? come get my money! trying to take my damn moneythat i worked this hard for. (screaming)

mugger: lady! i don't got insurance, lady! slow down! slow down! madea:you're screaming straight up like a little biatch! i want to go home! aah! (screams) you want the money?you come get it.

i come get the money. i'm a real thug!i'm a real thug! mugger: you crazy!oh, my god! jake! i'm sorry. take it. (knocking on door) hey, what do you got? well, just got off the phonewith the sec, and it seems thatthis lockwise charity

is definitelya ponzi scheme. coo, one walter burns. cfo, george needleman.never heard of him. let's arrest them both. well, it turns out that burnsis on a private jet, according to the faa,to europe. took off five hours ago. so i'm sure he's gonnafight extradition. but our boy, george, now...

boy george?i love boy george. ♪ karma karma karma karma karma chameleon ♪ you come and go you come and go ♪ sir? sorry. george needleman? our guys should be knockingat his door at any minute. great. well, it'd be greatif we could get him

to testifyagainst the malones, but that may bea tall order. okay, but no deal for him. look, i'm tiredof these people sticking it to the poor. sir, if we don'toffer him a deal, what incentive does he haveto testify against the mob? it's very simple, brian. if he testifies, the maloneswill probably kill him.

if he doesn't, he goes to prisonfor the rest of his life. it's a win-win. sir, i thinkwe should consider... no, you don't.i want him fried. now, get our agents therebefore the malone family gets to him. yes, sir. hi, it's george needleman calling for jeffrey.

yes, i'll hold. where are my car keys? you don't driveanymore, barbara. i know that. dad, i wish you could havebeen there today. oh, honey,your dad was very busy. you suck. you shouldprobably just give it up. no, i don't. yes, you do.

and i just tweeted that. dad! howie, stop. your dad's on the phone.eat your dinner. okay, thank you. what'd he say? well, his secretary said that he would recommendan attorney, but that he didn'twanna represent me.

after all those yearsof business with him? what about jeffrey? nobody's returning my calls. has anyone seen my car keys? mom, you don'tdrive anymore. is it hanukkah? no, it's not hanukkah. yes, it is. that's whythat nice young man asked me to deliverthis package to george.

and it's a long drive,and so i need my car keys. (stammers)mom, who gave you this? in the backyard, this man with a shiny,black suit and black, shiny hair. george, there's a note. "you tock from me." "take," honey.that says "take." no, i thinkthat's "tock," honey.

t-o-c-k. just read it. well, the man obviouslyneeds a spelling lesson, not to mention his grammar. can we open the present now? mom, you know what?let's not open this. no, this is ridiculous. oh, my god! ew! ew! (all gasping)

it's a dead rat. i know. what does this mean? all rats die. kate: oh, my god. george. (doorbell rings) don't move.just stay here, okay? don't move. stay here.

fbi. you're under arrest. oh, no! i can't believe this. you can't make bail.your accounts are frozen, george. well, here's the thing. i haven'tdone anything wrong. i just wanna go home. that's not gonna happen.

the malone familyis trying to kill you, george. we've been given ordersto keep you protected. what does that mean? it means you and your familyare coming with us. we have a problemwith needleman. what happened? i think malone's boys knowthat we're gonna offer him a chance to testifyagainst them,

so they senttheir signature. is he all right? yeah, we're getting himout of there now. good, i'll get on the phonewith the us marshals right away... no, no. no, no. they can't go into one ofour regular safe houses. the malones have penetratedour guys before. we need to move himto someplace safe now.

good idea.what do you suggest? i don't know,but first thing tomorrow morning, they're on a planeheaded here. you figure it outand tell no one. not even me. (stammering) sir, i've got kidsat my house. i don't know what i would dowith a whole family of...

i don't know.you've been a prosecutor for over a year. this is a big casefor you, brian. handle it. (jake mumbling) hey, jake. what you doing here? you know, i'm justhelping your auntie out. what'd you do? i tried to rob her.

boy, what is wrongwith you? i thought you gave upthe gang banging. what the hell? i'm in trouble. my dad put me in chargeof the church's mortgage payoff fundraiser. i think i may havelost the money. how? i invested in some company,and now they won't

return my calls. jake, come on, man. i know,and he's gonna kill me! he just wanted to paythe church's mortgage off so that he couldretire in peace. look what i did.and he's so sick. i mean, those peopleat the church told him not to make me trusteeof the money. but you knowwhat my dad did?

(as brian)"what your dad did, jake?" my dad went up there and toldthem i was a changed man! you know what else he said? he said, "everybody deservesa second chance." calm down, man. you know?he said, "everybody." jake. jake. he did that for me. and you know what?

hey, hey, hey. calm down beforemadea comes out and slapsthe hell out of you. look, brian, i need you to help meget this money back from lockwise. lockwise industries?new york? that isa ponzi scheme, man. i don't knowhow i can help you

get any money backfrom there. we're investigating them. a lot of peopleinvest in these companies, and those guyslive this lavish lifestyle. they spend all the money,so there is no money. and whateverthe government can find, maybe it's pennieson the dollar that they can get backto the investors. i don't knowhow i can help you, man.

brian, i got to getthis money back. how much money you talking? $114,000. you were robbing madea? madea doesn't have that kindof money. what were you... jake, don't tell meyou were gonna rob a bunch of old women. how manylittle old ladies you think you gonna have to rob

to get $114,000? 114,000. madea: boy, get your assoff my porch and go home! yes, ma'am! help me getthis money back. oh, man.auntie madea, man. what am i doing? hey, hey, madea. hey, brian. hey, brian.

(toilet flushing) hey. i don't know why the hellyou go in the bathroom and leavethe toilet seat up, mabel. hey, daddy. do i know you? i'm past 18 now. you can stop pretendinglike you don't know me, so you don't haveto pay child support.

hey, son. how you doing?i love you so much. so good to see you. madea: you wantsomething to eat? i'm making a sandwichfor joe. i wouldn't eat that, son.i wouldn't eat that at all. i believeshe be trying to kill me for my insurance money. you ain't gotno insurance money. in that case, i'm gonna eatthis sandwich she done made.

i'm not trying to kill youfor no insurance money. i'm gonna kill you'cause i want you dead. i just want youcompletely dead. just no life in you at all.just not breathing. just maggot food. here, son,try to taste that for me. hey, i'm not tasting that.thank you. what you doing here, son?what you want? well, i wantedto talk to you, madea.

i have... you want some moneyor something? i ain't got no money.you don't need to be coming over hereasking me for no money. daddy, i didn't ask youfor any money. good. then loan me some, 'cause i need a little changefor my friday night lights. what are you talking about? i be running them hoes, dawg.i be running them hoes.

shut up, fool. i ain't got no moneyeither, brian. what you want?what you come by here for? well, i came bywith a proposition. i just thought, you know,you might wanna make a little extra money. you know, the last timea man told me he had an opportunity for meto make a little money, i ended up in mexico,chained to 20 other women,

walking down the street,just selling myself. you do need some money,don't you? yeah, i could always usea little bit of money. hell, things been tightaround here. i was even thinking aboutgoing back to my old job. stripping? hooking? robbing? hit man?

hmm. slinging? i did have some hustleback in my day, though. i was doing a thing.i was doing a thing back then. i done got the better now. good those daysare over here, 'cause you too bigto be on a pole, mabel. i'm gonna tell you right nowabout that pole.

you know,they done switched them. when you wasback there dancing, they had them telephone polesyou used to swing on. now, they gotthem little brass poles. i seen them. you'd bendor broke one of them. you'll bend it. your big ass'llbreak that brass. big ass and brass don't mix.

joe, shut up, please.just die. stop breathing. okay? stop breathing. i'm talking about going backto work at an old folks' home where i used to work. no, no,you don't have to do that. i got a great idea. all right,here's the situation. i've got five people that arein a little bit of trouble. one of themis a witness on a case

that i'm working on. and i was wondering if theycould stay here for a while. just for a couple of months until the trialis over, maybe? here? oh, no. you better shut that up now. ain't nobodycoming up in here. hell to the no.ain't nobody... you better hush that up now.

daddy. no, that's just crazy. have some criminal upin this house, looking all crazy,and police looking... hell, that's how mabellive every day, ain't it? that's your life. shut up, rectum. go to hell. is somebody after them?

yes, ma'am. but, wait a minute.i would not ask you to do this. you're my aunt.i know they'll be safe here. not one personwould know they're here. this is the safest placefor them. that's some bull.he's trying to sell you a load of bull. what'd they do?

i can't tell you that. but i can tell you this.i can tell you this. you know, you, you pack.you know? ain't nobodygonna mess with you. and this isthe safest place for them. you could be like theirwitness protector, madea. look here, don't be trying to butter me upand all that stuff. i see what you're tryingto butter me up.

yeah, i know i'm packing. i know i can holdsome things down, but, no, i don't wantnobody up in here. i'm sorry. absolutely not. i cannot do that. you're gonna haveto find somewhere else for them to go. the answer'sa flat-out no, and i am not changing my mind.

my no mean "no,"my yes mean "yes." and my "maybe" mean"get the hell out." i'm sorry. absolutely not. flat-out no. (water running) ain't gonna happen.get on out of here. no. too bad, then. i'll just tell my bosswe'll have to find somewhere elsefor them to stay.

guess someother lucky person will make that $4,000 a month. you know what? i believe it would bethe greatest christianity thing i could do to help somebody in need. so i'm gonna go aheadand make up these sheets and clean up. mabel, you know,i believe i'm gonna go

drag that cotout of that garage. i got a cot back there,and we can put a sheet up in my room. we could share,make sure we got enough room for everybody up in here. so is that a yes? joe: ain't nothing wrongwith that cot. ain't nothing wrongwith it at all. got a little mold growingin it, but that's all right.

as long asyou don't breathe... where the hell are we? honey, we arein the south. and it brings backpretty fond memories. of what, grams? oh, a boat and a man, and... oh, my, he had such a big... boat. hi. george?

uh, yes, i'm george, and this ismy daughter, cindy, and my wife, kate,and my son, howie, and my mother, barbara. hi, how are you? (gasps) the man in the boat. don't have a clue. cute man.

well, i'm brian simmons, and i just wantall of you to know you're gonna bein safe hands, okay? i'm a federal prosecutor, and we havea very safe place for you and the entire family. george:well, here we go, kids. this way, ma'am. howie: place looks haunted.

is this neighborhood safe? oh, it's very safe. there's no safer placefor you and your family. trust me. this is not a hotel. okay, madea's gonnalove this one. madea? how's myfavorite aunt, madea? that brian? come on in.

the family's herethat i was telling you about. (dishes clatter) brian, what the hell'sgoing on? madea, this is the familythat i was telling you about. madea: you forgot to mentionone little important thing about this family. what's that? don't play with me. brian: uh, madea,these are the needlemans,

and they'll be stayingwith you for a few months. what? months? are you joking?what, is he joking? cindy. dad, i can't stay here. what, are wesharecroppers now? george: honey, not nice. hi, i'm george. and i'm his mother, barbara.

and i'm his wife, kate,and these are our kids, howie and cindy. i'm his child.i'm not her daughter. howie: you know, i thinkit's kind of nice here. i like it. yeah, you would, you moron. would you... this is great. just great. yeah, "vacation" my ass.

hello, trip from hell. (exhaling) oh, okay. look here, would y'all go oninto the living room and have a seat, please? i would like to talkto my nephew in private just a moment. thank you so much for... it's gonna be so lovelyhaving all of y'all here.

yes, just wonderful.wonderful. we'll be right in. what did you do that for? what the hell wrong with you? you done brought these folksup in this house. what is wrong with you? madea, listen.okay, i know that they're not african-american. i don't care nothingabout the color

of their skin. i wanna knowhow in the hell i'm supposed to hidefive white folks in a neighborhoodwhere we ain't even got white cats or white cars. ain't nothing whitearound here. if the police comein this neighborhood, they don't even comein a white car. they send a black suv.

(stammering) i understand,but listen, listen. i know thatyou can figure it out. i know you'll work it out. boy, hear me clearly and goodwhen i say this to you. son, i don't knowhow to hide these people. you can do it. (whispering)$4,000 a month. $4,000. you ain't listeningto me, son. these people are gonnastick out around here

like i would stick outat a republica convention. do i look likei'm a newt ginger fan? do i look likei like newt gingery? madea, okay, okay. but you'll figure it out.i know you'll figure it out. (crackles) are we sitting on plastic? joe: mabel, i can't findthe phone book. i'm trying to find somebody.where are the white pages?

oh, my. mabel, they white folks. really? i didn't notice. brian: come on.i'll introduce you. needleman family,this is my father, joe. you already metmy aunt madea. dad, this is howie, kate,george, cindy, and barbara. it looks likeshe's undressing me with her eyes.

now, i'm surethat the agents told you, but i just want to reiterate. you can't haveany contact with anyone from your pastas long as you're here. do you understand? dad? honey, i'm sorry. this is crazy. you suck.

did she just say...i know she... did that child just sayshe sucked to her daddy? lord, have mercy. what generation is this?you can't... (whispering) you betterhurry up and get them the hell out of here. mabel gonna killthat little girl. but, cindy, this is onlyuntil the trial is over. isn't that right, brian?

yes, just untilthe trial is over. i hate you. that girl says she hate him. oh, lord,somebody gonna have to help me. god, help me. god, help me. george, i know it's beena rough day for you, so i tell you what. i'll come by tomorrow morningabout 9:00, pick you up.

we'll go to the officeand begin working on this case, okay? so, madea, why don't youshow your house guests where they'll be staying? yeah, go onand show them, mabel. i ain't tryingto go up there with them. that one right there,i don't like the way she's looking at me. well, you canshow me to the door.

i'm getting backon that plane. excuse us. kate:you don't talk like that. watch your mouth. cindy: are you kidding me?seriously. your ass tryingto get me a case. that's whatyou trying to do. you're tryingto get me a case. better get a speedy trial.

i'm gonna tell you thatright now. i'll get a speedy trial. what's happening to us? kate, if i'd known that taking care of my familywould lead us to this, i would've... this wasn't about family.this was about you. we have way morethan we needed. this was about greed.

you know, sweetheart, i seem to recallyou were very happy with my promotion, too. what were you thinking? i don't know. i wasn't evenaware this was going on. you're not awareof a lot of things going on now. kate... i don't wannatalk about this.

i'm gonna unpack my bagand go to sleep. we're done. it's done. joe: it's gonna endjust like that? huh? joe: come on, man.don't let her pimp you. she wanna go to sleep?knock her ass out. madea:joe, shut the hell up. they're havinga private conversation in a room about not beingaware of what's going on.

if he ain't aware, that isbetween the two of them. shut up. let them havetheir private moment, please. when a door is closed,that mean you ain't supposed to be listening. leave them people alone.shut the hell up. joe: mabel, you shut up. no, you shut the hell up. joe: mabel,i'm older than you. i'll do whatever the helli want to do.

madea: yeah, it's my house.you gonna shut up up in here or i'm gonna come up andcut your vocal cords out. you ain'tgonna be able to say a damn thing! good night. (sniffing) (inhales deeply) boy! boy! (groaning)

(gags) is that you farting, son? it wasn't me. fart one more time.that's all i'm gonna tell you. fart one more time. in here farting like that. what's wrong with you, boy?that's doggone insane. hello, joe.

you wannagive it a go? huh? (sing-song) mabel. mabel, they trying to get me. no, no, trying to get me like they get themfootball players and them basketball players. i don't think so.no, no, no. barbara: i won't bite. lord, lord, lord.(chuckles)

you staring at me? uh... no, no,i wasn't staring at you. i was watchingthe wildebeest in its naturalhabitat, though. excuse me? (madea talking indistinctly) (whispers) that's not nice. joe: yeah.her butt must be hungry,

'cause it's chewingthat dress alive. (joe chuckles) if you need anything,anything at all, i'm just a whisper away. all you gotto do is whisper. okay, i think i'm done. where you rushing off to? yoga's over. creepy.

hi. how you doing? i'm good. thank you. i see you was up in theredoing that yoda. oh, it's (chuckles) yoga. no, baby,i don't have no yogurt. i don't eat that. that mess my stomach up. it's got thatabiffidus bacalarus in it.

i can't have that.so you go on and get yourselfsomething else. i might have somein that fridge there, but i don't eat it. well, it looks likeyou've been cooking. yeah, i wantedto feed your family their first dayin my house. i wanted to make surey'all had something really good to eat.

so i got some waffles,some biscuits, i got some pancakes,i got some bacon, i got ham. i put a lot ofbutter on the ham, a lot of salt and pepper,make it nice and flavorful. i got oatmeal on the stove. i got sausage, and i got eggs and gritsand everything else. y'all better just feast. it looks so good.

it's a lot of carbs.you like carbs? it's a lot of huh? carbs. no, baby, i don't eat crabs.you can't eat no crabs. you gonna havecrabs and yogurt? you about to messyour stomach up. ain't no seafoodon here, honey. i'm allergic to seafood. ain't no seafoodhere nowhere.

is thathow you stay so thin? no, honey,i don't eat that stuff. where your family? oh, they're sleeping still. what? they got to get up. no, baby, your childrengot to go to school. i got toget them registered, and georgeis supposed to see brian down atthe attorney's office.

so, no, no, no,you got to get them up. okay, well,i was just gonna let... you know,they're so exhausted. no, i'll go get them up. here, you take this. take thisand stir that real good. whip it real, real good.you understand? yeah, i understand. all right, you needto put something... here.

here, put this on.put this on while you whip. you don't wannaget that on you. okay. no. put that on. okay, whip it. thank you. whip it real good. i will. george, get upout this bed, son. oh, kate.

i had this horrible dream that we were in troublewith the fbi, and we moved into this housewith an old woman who looked like... like what? you. it's not a dream.it's really happening. i'm in so deep. (whimpers)

george, you need toget up out this bed. brian is waiting for youdown at the office. he said he was gonna have youcome down there this morning. now, get up on out this bed. my life is over. i'm notgetting out of this bed. there's no reasonto get out of this bed. you need a reason?you need a reason? (yells) (whispering) you betterget your ass out this bed.

is thatenough reason for you? let me tell yousomething, son. i don't allow nobodyto feel sorry for themselves in my house. i don't know what you did.i don't care what you did. i need youto get up out this bed, come downstairs, have breakfastwith your family, brian is waiting on youdown at the office

to talk about whatevery'all need to talk about. it ain't my business.i don't wanna know, but you gonnaget up out this bed. if i come backup these stairs, and you still in this bed, do you have any ideawhat i'm gonna do? i'm gonna getcompletely naked, and get up in therewith you and spoon. i'm up.

i am definitely up.you don't have to come back. i'm coming right down.i'm coming right down. i'm on my way. get up, son. what's wrong? you just scared me. you're just so huge.like a giant bag of skittles. all right,you better get the hell up, or when i come backup in here,

you know what's gonna happen? you gonna taste the rainbow. now, get up. i'm up. i'm up. madea: probably dreamingabout skittles and coca-cola and pepsi, diet soda and mountain dewand honey buns, and damn krispy kremeand everything else. oh, so you're up?

oh, there you are, sadie.you must iron the sheets. mr. needleman gets very angryif there are any wrinkles. honey, who the hellis sadie? don't you usethat kind of language with me. 'cause i'll have you fired.do you understand? mrs. needleman.okay, i get it. the mall is open,but there ain't nobody in there shopping.

what's that smell? it's called food.i'm cooking. it smells up the whole house.it permeates. thank you. you alwayswere the best colored help we could ever find. okay, brian playinga joke on me. i'm being punk'd.i know i'm being punk'd. where the camera at? little girl,i need you to get up, honey.

go away. never had no child talk to melike this before. lordy. honey, i got to bring y'alldown to school and get you registered.now, get up. i said, go away. she just yelled at mein my house. i don't know what she... little girl, i'm gonnatell you one more time... i said, go away!

i know she didn't just... who the hell you thinkyou talking to? (gasps) oh, my god!what is wrong with you? this is my house. you live by my ruleswhen you are in my house. you're too young for that,little girl. you don't want none of this. please, do yourselfa favor, honey. you do notwant none of this.

behave while you're here.if not, you will... girl, you... ooh... ooh! girl, you just don't know... oh, oh... oh! oh! i don't know who she thinksshe's talking to. she's insane. (bell tolling) jake: hello? is that you, son?

well, come on in here. what are youdoing here, dad? well, i'm feeling better,much better. no, you're not.you're supposed to be at home in bed. i just had to stopby here to make sure everything's all right. it's all fine. i've decided to tellthe church the third sunday

i'm retiring. i thought you were gonna waittill summer to do that. no, i can't do that, son.i'm too tired. it'll sure make the burdenso much easier to know that everythingi've worked for all these years is gonna be looked after. i am very proud of you, son.really proud of you. don't be proud of me.

are you kidding me?i have to tell you i'm proud of you. you know something?after your mother died, i wasn't sureyou were gonna make it. you were so far out therein those streets. but, praise the lord,look at you now. helping me run the church, handling ourmortgage payment fund. no, i am very proudof you, son.

you know,the congregation is gonna be a little bit upset when i tell themthat i'm retiring, so to ease the pain, i'm going to tell them thatwe have raised the money to pay off the church. they're gonna rejoice. well done, son. i don't see her out here.y'all come on.

come on. hurry up. she always nosy as hell, over therelooking at everything. hurry up. come on. get in the car. hattie: madea. madea. hey, hattie. i'm good, baby.

open the door. come here a minute. i can't talk to youright now, honey. this my cousins,and they done lost all the pigmentationin their skin overnight. hattie: your cousins? can i help you? no, i got to take themto the doctor right now. i'll see you later on.take care.

(engine starts) and that's all you know? that's all i know.i swear it. i don't believe you. i'm telling you the truth. you're going to jailfor a very long time. i can't go to jail.i didn't do anything wrong. george, calm down, okay? for what it's worth,i believe you.

oh, boy,somebody believes me. isn't that wonderful? let's crack opensome champagne, because somebody believes me. oh, god, i'm in trouble. i think they canbelieve you, too, but you have to help memake them believe. just tell mewhat you want me to do. what do i need to do here?

okay, that'sa good attitude, george. really good attitude. everything that wasn'tshredded or destroyed is in these files. this isyour ticket to freedom. you're the cfo. i'm sure you can find it. okay, well, this is the cruxof the problem here, brian,

because i can'tseem to find anything in here that will help. i wanna help you.i really do. it doesn't make any sensefor me not to wanna help. now does it?does it? no. no. i mean, don't you thinki would help if i could? are you okay? no, i just... i feel like i...i wanna hit something.

hit the chair.hit something. that was a lovely evening. there ain't never beenno evening, lady. i don't know you. oh, stop it.there's no one around. read my lips, honey.i don't know you. you're the man in the boat. i ain't never had no boat. i betif i showed you my tattoo,

you might remember. what tattoo?what you fixing to show me? i believe you need to seea doctor about that, honey. no, that's betty boop. it mighthave been betty boop at one time, but betty boop done drooped. betty boop. you brought me overin your little boat.

lady, for thelast time, okay? first of all,you insulted me. 'cause i wouldn't havea little boat. i'm not a canoe kind of man.you understand? i'm a yacht, a cruise ship,noah's ark up in this piece. only time i wasever in a boat was that little rowboatbelonged to the army when i was in new orleansmany years ago. i'd take peopleacross the water over there

from the bayouto the juke joint, and i'd charge them a nickelto get them over there. and they'd all take the rideand everything. i'd give themtheir change. and somebody gave mea 50-cent tip that night. you barbara betty boop. yes, i was a nursein company b. yeah, i wasin company c over there with the colored troops.

me and a coupleof my girlfriends followed you guysall the way to your barracks. yeah, i rememberit was four of you. it was blanche, rose,dorothy, and you. i don't even knowhow you remember that, honey. that was 56, 57 years ago. fifty-three. because george is 52. what that gotto do with anything?

what day is it? lady, don't you start...what you trying to tell me? where am i? i think you believeyou're trying to tell me something about george. oh, my goodness. i don't know where i am. brian. brian: jake.

you cannot keepcalling me like this, man. i'm in the middleof an investigation. my dad wants to announcethat he's paying the church's mortgage offin three weeks. i mean,what am i supposed to do? tell him the truth. that will kill him. he'll be very happythat you told him the truth. i can't. i can't do it.

jake. that's him.that's the dude from the news! i ought to kill you! who is this? i'm your worst nightmare. brian: will you just... you're my worst...i got news for you. i'm livingmy worst nightmare, okay?

and besides,you're a little short to be a nightmare,aren't you? i'm short? he called me...he called me short? i'm gonna bust your balls! well, why don't you getin line and bust my balls? because everybody elseis busting my balls. i don't haveany balls left, mister! how about that? (grunts)i'm gonna... get off.

calm down.nobody's kicking balls. george, jake,i need you both to calm down. man: is everythingall right out there? everything's fine. just keep working.it's all good. george, this is jake. his father has a church,and they were gonna pay off their mortgage,

and they investedthe money in lockwise, and they lost it all. so he's a little bit upset. you... that's all you got to say?is you sorry? oh, hell... yeah. okay, okay.you better watch yourself, or i'm gonna give you a... you see this?big five. big five.

and you're gonna get it. if i didn't have to go tothe bathroom, you'd be in... where's the bathroom, brian? third door on the left. big five? jake, go home. get a grip, okay?tell him the truth. if anything comes up,i'll call you. can't you just go home?elevator's right there.

how tall are you, son? hmm? oh, about 6 feet. about 6 feet? okay. check. you like soul music?(chuckles) um, i do. i do.i love soul music. r-e-s-p-e-c-t. find out what it mean to me.

no, i dig it. oh, you dig it.you dig it, huh? check. your hair'sreally thick and curly. always beenthat thick and curly? yeah, it has. when i was a kid,i had an afro that was, you know, large. to here. big, big hair.

no, you said it right.you had an afro. you didn't offend me.you had an afro. that's what you called it,an afro. check. an afro. can you swim, son? no. no. i never gotthe hang of swimming. never got the hang of it.yup. check. hey, i waslooking at your wife,

she was doing that yoda. and she gota nice little butt. but it ain't no booty,you know? you like a butt,or you like a booty? you like a booty,one that's a big, old booty to grab like handlebarsand use? steer that thing where youwant it to go, you know? to be honest, i love my wife.

oh, she can't hear you.she can't hear. man-to-man,go on and tell me. do you like a little cute,nice little butt, or do you like a big butt that you can grab that thingand slap it like handlebars? well, i would likea little more on the bottom. harley-davidson. a harley? junk in the trunk.

some junk in the trunk.yeah, more junk. as long as you're asking. i got one last questionfor you, son. when you go to the bathroomand you're at the urinal, do you stand therelike this? or do you just happento stand there like this? well... and when you're finished,do you have to do this? which oneis it for you, son?

which one? well, more likethe second part. without the thingat the end. damn. i'm your daddy. do you have any wi-fi? well, if you ask me nice,i'll get up and i'll make you some. excuse me.how do you make wi-fi? son, you use some flour,put a little water in it,

some powdered sugar, you mix it up real good,and you get your skillet, or you get you one of themwi-fi irons, and you pour itin the wi-fi iron and you close it up. i got a wi-fi iron in there. he asked for a wi-fi,i got a waffle. you want a wi-fi?i got a waffle. wi-fi. internet.

oh, i don't havenone of that. ain't no technologyaround here at all. we've been leftin the dark ages. it figures. howie. honey, why do you needto get on the internet? i'm supposed to do a report. i'll help youwith your report. okay, honey?

it doesn't really matter.i mean, he's gonna fail. he's dumb like his mother. enough. go to hell, kate. did that child just say,"go to hell"? you all right? yeah. thanks. come on,sit down and talk to me. that child right there.

lord, that little girlabout to make me hurt her. i know. i'm tryingto be understanding. of what? (sighs) she has problems. honey, we all got problems. that child ain't supposedto be talking to you all like that. that is crazy. what's wrong with that child?what's she so angry about? i don't know.just being here

and out of school. tell that tosomebody else, honey. that child is angryabout something else, and it's deep,whatever it is. it ain't about no schooland nothing else. this water runs deeperthan that. how do you know? wisdom. i didn't get this oldby not knowing nothing. she thinks i'm the reasonthat her father

divorced her mother. hmm. i wonder whereshe'd get that from. are you? no. what kind of persondo you think i am? a woman. no, their marriagewas over, her fatherfiled for divorce already, but she's hated meever since she met me. and george just sit there,don't say nothing?

he just sit thereand not say a word? george doesn't say anythingto anyone these days. i know. but she needs him. because her mother,she is so evil. she filled her headwith all these horrible thingsabout me and about us. and then, two years ago, she dropped her offat our doorstep, hasn't contacted herever since,

and now she's angry. and nowshe's up in my house and she got me worried. honey, i'm just worried. oh, she'll be fine. i'm not worried about her,i'm worried about me. 'cause i feel like i wannachoke her to sleep. i just wanna grab hertill the life is out of her sometimes.

she's so flip. yeah, i get it. and whenshe talk back to you, you just havea little argument with her and you just let herstart her mouth and say whatevershe want to say? don't do that, honey. you have to talk to herin a language that she understand.

you got to learnhow to start speaking your damn mind. i speak my mind. i didn't say,"speak your mind," i said,"speak your damn mind." if somebody do somethingyou don't like, you say, "hey, what the hellis wrong with you? "you betterget your ass together. "this is somestraight up bull.

"hell,what is wrong with you? you heard me? hell." that's what you gotto say to them sometime. okay. i will. think about that. it'll make you feel better.you'll feel so liberated. you're around heredoing all that yoda. honey, you ain'tgot to do all that yoda. you ain't got to donot one more yoda.

i'm gonnatry that next time. good. i just gave yousome great advice. you gave mesome good advice. i'm gonna give yousome better advice. white folks ain'tsupposed to be out here on this porch in the middleof the night, honey. yep. nope, come on,let's go on in the house. yeah, you go on first. brian: any luck?

no, none. george. yeah, i know whatyou're going to say. you don't think i'm trying. look at this charity,right here. okay. i don't reallyhave to look at it. hear me out. listen towhat i'm saying to you. these guysdig wells in africa. this one, breast cancer.

this one,they stop sex trafficking of children. okay? this one, aids research.this one, cancer. this homeless shelteris gonna have to close. george, you got to help mehelp these people. brian, i'm eight years awayfrom retiring, and now i'm facing jail. and all these peoplewere hurt because i wasn'tpaying attention.

and i was lookingforward to retiring. spending time with my son. getting great, big bear hugs after a good gameof catch, you know? seeing my daughter happy, content. i just wanted to livehappily ever after with my family. and now,my family's falling apart.

so maybe i deserveall of this, okay? 'cause i can't believewhat's happening to me. how could i notsee this coming? george, you couldn't see itbecause you weren't paying attention. but now your eyesare wide open. but none of thismakes sense to me. i mean,i see accounts here and they all start witha letter of the alphabet.

"a," "p," "u,""j," "k," "r," "i." we never use the alphabetto start accounts, brian. i don't knowwhat i'm looking at here. i really don't. you can't just keep lettingpeople walk all over you. you were a mark.they set you up. they thought you were weak. they did thison purpose to you. are you just gonna lay downand let that happen,

or are you gonnaclaim your life back? prove them wrong. hit themright between the eyes. you're stronger than this. there is a fighterin you, george. show them. show me. you can work this out, okay?just don't give up. shall we keep digging? all right.

man: watch your step. take care now. how was school? uh, i mean,you know, it's school. school is school, yeah. what you got there? baseball. you play? yeah, but not very good.

really? well, let me see, son.you can't be that bad. what position do you play? pitcher. okay. well, i usedto play catcher. so, you go on over there andi want you to throw it to me. i want you to throw it to me as hard as you can. throw it at me.

here we go. put it.put it right here. put it right in the middle. right here, right here. yeah, you... yeah. yeah, you suck. sorry, i... come here, son. that's all right, son. maybe you ain'tsupposed to be a pitcher.

everybody ain'tsupposed to be a pitcher. you know, you got toget in where you fit in. you know, i neverthought about it that way. but listen, son.i'm gonna help you. i'm gonna teach youhow to pitch and to catch, because we family,we family. we are? oh, yeah. it's a long story.it's a long story. i used to bein the negro league.

negro... the negro league, son. boy, somebodygot to teach you about your heritage. the negro leagues is when colored baseball playerscouldn't play... colored, like negro,like me and you. they couldn't playprofessional baseball, so they came upwith their own league.

satchel paige and i played. i was a catcher,so i'm gonna show you how to be a catcher. all right. all right. all right? step on back there. i'm gonnashow you how to catch this. i'm gonna throw it to youone good time. i want you toconcentrate real hard. almost. all right, try it.right here, right here.

there we go. see that? kate: i've had it. cindy: i don't care. kate: change your attitude. hello, son. hi, mom. kate: your poor father... cindy: my fatherdoes not need... were you withyour brother today?

all day today, again? no, mom, i was with brian. i don't havea brother, remember? cindy: this is all an act! oh, right. cindy: i am notbeing disrespectful! you're being so fake!you're not my mom! kate: ...your attitude. cindy: you're making itno better.

get upstairs! cindy: i want to go home.i hate it here. george, i can'tdo this anymore. that daughteris so disrespectful. i'm gonna do all i canto help us get our life back. i don't want our life back. i want a new life. one where you're in it.one where we're all happy. i don't know,afternoon lunches and sex!

i want sex, george! uh, should i belistening to this? no! kate, i'm sorry. stop saying sorryand get mad. i am mad. you're not mad. i'm extremely mad. extremely mad, george?

you don't think i'm mad? i don't think you're mad. this is getting me so mad,this whole thing. that's mad. you're not extremely mad!you need to get damn mad! i'm just speakingmy damn mind, okay? hell! this is somestraight up bull. hell, get your ass together.you heard me? hell!

oh, i've got toget us out of here. just spill it.we gotta have it all. because if you don't,then you're going to jail for the rest of your life. (indistinct) ever since we got here,i don't care anymore. do you know what?i don't care. you... hi, honey. hi. what are you doing?

good one. good one, howie. thanks. you got it. (sighing) ♪ amazing grace... ♪ how was school today? about the same as whenyou were raised by moses. where's my dad? i can't stand you.

i got somethingto tell you, honey. it's awfully bad news. ♪ precious lord... ♪ your daddy died. he died. them people thatwere looking for him, they came hereand they got him. and theybrought him out there to the highway,

and they was painting themstripes on the stone highway, and he tried to run, and one of themstripe machine put a line right downthe middle of him. then the peoplethat was coming didn't know if it was a passing lane or high-occupancyvehicle lane. everybody got confusedand they had a wreck, and they justran all over...

about 5,700 carspiled up on top of him. and kate,she didn't know what to do, so she went to running. she just started runningas fast as she can. was runninglike wonder woman. but they hada helichopter and that helichopter got closer... (imitates helicopter)and that was it. no! kate, too?

kate, too. kate, too. and that helichopter wasspinning and them blades... where's howie?where's howie? oh, lord. poor howie.you know, he tried to run, but he alwayshave them candy bars and soda popsin his pockets, so he kept dropping thingsand he tripped. so they put themcement shoes on him and they throwed him in,

and he's swimmingwith the fishes. oh, my god! (sobbing) oh, my god!i can't believe this is happening. why you so upset? what do you mean? well, you always say, "i hate you. you suck.shut up. i hate you." i didn't mean anythingthat i've said before.

it's too late now, honey. it's all right. they gone.dead. just done. they gone. so, the peopleat child welfare asked meif i would take you, so i said you can stay heretill you're 18, but you... no! no, no! no! i got an ebt card,what you worried about? cindy, what's wrong?

she told me you died. madea, why would youtell her that? look, this is whyi tell her that. 'cause she's sittingaround here mad at everybody and beingall nasty and mean. your parents could be goneat any minute, then you'll be stuckwith somebody like me. is that what you want?to stay here in this hellhole?

(sobbing) i'm sorry. madea: start actinglike you're sorry, then. i'm sorry.i'm sorry, howie. it's all right.it's all right, cindy. now, look at her,all broke up, acting likeshe's sad and hurt. okay, honey. it's okay. madea, that wasreally cruel. uh, george?shut the hell up.

it worked, didn't it? yeah, son. there's somethingi need to tell you. it'll haveto wait till later. i got to start the serviceright now. (mouthing) barbara: negros. what the helldid you just say? negros.

kate: barbara! mom, why don't we step out ontothe porch and get some air? grams. i hear negros from my room. i believe they're calledafrican-americans now, grandma. did that childjust say "they"? no, "we."

so beautiful.i hear them from my room. what's going on? my baby mamajust went left, mabel. she just went left. madea: went left? i hear... i hear them from my room.i hear negros from my room. well, i see dead people,but i keep that to myself. tell them, sadie.

who the hell is sadie? shut up. madea, honey.she right, she hear negros. it's bad enoughthat she's slipping. please don't encourage her. no, she do hear negros. the whole bunch of them. she hears a bunch of negros? yes, everybody listen.everybody be quiet.

(choir singing in distance) spirituals. that's it. that's whatshe's trying to say, negro spirituals. there's a church downon the corner. they sing negro spiritualson sundays. why y'all so uptight? (laughing) son, will you take meto the negros?

take you tothe negro spiritual, honey. spiritual. right. you can'tjust say "negros." them days has passed. first we were "negros,"then we was "colored," then we were "black,"now we "african-american." okay? african-americans. now singingold negro spirituals. spirituals. spirituals. okay.

yes, mom. yes, yes. yes, let's go. let's go down to the church. is it safe? what you mean,"is it safe," george? what they gonna do,stone you with a bible? it's a church. (choir singing) pretty good.

can i get an "amen"for our choir? all: amen! nelson: all right, well done. well done. praise the lord. all: praise the lord! praise the lord.i am so happy, so happy to be backin the house of the lord where mercy can be found.

as most of you know, i have been very sickthese past few months. but by the grace of god,i've recovered. but i have totell you something. i've given a lot of prayer and i feel it's timefor me to retire. (all moaning) now don't y'all worry,don't worry. this church will continue,and its future's guaranteed,

because the churchhas been paid off. (all cheering) praise god! oh, no. and i was ableto pay the church off because of the investmentsof my son. my son. i'm so proud of him. son, come onup here and tell them

what you've done. let us praise jesus 'cause we're allprecious in his name. precious. precious? jake: to allthe congregation here... ...there's somethingi need to tell you. i did invest the money... precious!

somebody's gotthe holy ghost. i know! you know? the same know that i know? that man knows! how much do you know? nelson: do you thinkthat he knows now? i'm not hot, i just know. praise the lord!

woman: yes! brian: all right, george, you want to try to explain this to me? there was a womannamed precious jackson that walter alwaystold me about. okay? now i've lookedat these accounts and they all startwith a letter. the letters spell out"precious jackson." it's all encrypted,right here.

what the hellare you talking about? the letters spell out... okay, i'm a little confusedby this, too. it's the namethe account is in. just follow this,'cause it took some doing to follow the money trailfrom the cayman islands and germany. but the trail goes cold when the money goes intoa swiss account. okay?

now, they wereall given a letter when they went inand came out. right? but every monthon this date, as the funds go intothis swiss account, this account in the ussees a deposit. now i balance the two,and it's exactly 10% that resurfaces in the usin this account every month to a lady namedprecious jackson.

what is 10% gonna do? of 600 million? that's six million! it's 60 million. sixty. i can getthe church's money back. praise god. yes, you andall the charities. can this really work?

yes, it can work. why would waltertake this money and put itin an account with some woman's namewho never touches it? well, either he didn'ttell her about it, or she doesn't exist. so what i'll do isi'll get a federal warrant, we'll getthe account seized. i'm pretty sure oncei bring this to the judge,

you'll be ableto get probation. that's a great job. but, brian,we can get this money back to the peopleit belongs to. it's sitting right herein this account. you didn'tjust say that to me. i'm an officer of the court. i don't even knowwhat you're thinking. i didn't hear that.

i don't even want to knowwhat you're thinking. no. no, no, no. not having this conversation. i'm out of here. please. come on. i will see youat the office tomorrow... ...bright and early, george. thank you so much. brian. please.

bye. i've come too closeto give up now, okay? i'm not calling it quits. i'm gonna get that moneyback to the charities. right? i want my life back. and here is wherei start to take action. so you're eitherwith me or you're not, but i'm not giving upwithout a fight. so what's it gonna be,mr. i'm-a-tough-guy-

from-the-hood? mr. you-going-down-homie? 'cause i'll tell you,i'm gonna do the damn thing. so you're with me or what? i'm with you. gucci! ah! with you. you okay?

i will be. george, what's going on? i screwed up,that's what's going on. and now there's a big wrongthat i have to right. and i justhave to figure out how i'm gonna do it. but i'm gonna do it.i am gonna do it. george, i haven't seenthis much fire in you since we got married.

well, maybe it'slong overdue, huh? do you rememberour honeymoon in florence? i rememberit rained every day. (chuckles) it did. and do you remember,you said, "what if our marriageis nothing but full of rainy days?" i might have been joking. but i remember you stillgot upset, didn't you?

i did. and what did you say? i said, "rain does makethings grow." exactly. what if all thishappened for a reason? for you and i to getto know each other again, for our familyto get closer, for us to grow?

what if it did? oh, kate, you are amazing. i swear to you,i'm gonna make things right. i have no doubt. honey, you alwaysdo the right thing. i love you so much. i love you, too. i'm so proudof you, george. woman: (on tv) i'm closing an account.

rita, it looks likeyou'll be withdrawing $4 million from us today. $4 million? is that correct? yes. well, how would you like that? 10s and 20s? hey, son. we watching ghost. she's gonnawalk up in a bank

and act likeshe somebody else. look at that. man: you know we requireidentification and all that. rita milleror oda mae jones, she don't even knowwhat her name is. rita miller. that's my name. my name. rita miller. my name. man: the check.

here you are. what the hellyou looking at me like the last virgin for? now let me make surei got this right. y'all want me to geton the aeroplane, go out to new york cityand go in a bank and pretend to beprecious jackson? is that right? does brian knowanything about this?

he thinks you bothcould go to jail. well, i could begoing to jail anyway. that's all right.just don't drop the soap, you'll be fine. i been up in there. you might haveto fight a little bit, kick a little ass. but you'll be all right. if you don't kick no ass,they gonna take your ass.

i don't knowabout this, though. i don't feel good about this. i just don't...i don't know. madea, it's easy. it's just as easy as it wasin the movie. whoopi goldberghad a dead white man helping her all through that whole movie. i'll help you.

you alive. i said dead! george, you cannotgo to new york. honey, i have to. you can't.they're still after you. are you crazy? i'll disguise myself somehow. they won't know me.okay? it'll be fine. no, i can't do that. jake: madea.

please, i knowyou can do it. you say this is for charity? and for the church?right, jake? for the church?it's for the church? it's for the church, for your daddyget the money back for the church? all right. now my questionthen becomes, all these beautiful peoplethat got these charities

and helpingall these children and feeding the peoplearound the world, it's for that,that's wonderful, but i havea question for you. what the hell in it for me? madea, you'll feela lot better about yourself. i always feel goodabout myself. hell, i was born 6'2". 237 pounds.

i have always beenthis big all my life. i went to kindergartenthis big. i had to havehigh self-esteem. i feel good about myself. ain't nothingyou gonna tell me gonna make me feelgood about myself. you give me some money, that'll make me feelgood about myself. okay, you know what?

can we figure that outafter this is done? george, have youever hired a ho? (clears throat) hmm? mmm. she want her money first.do you understand? i need to getsome money first. don't perform no servicesuntil the money's on the table. you know what?i'll do it. i will do it. all i got to dois go in there

and give thema bunch of accounts to transfer the money to? george: yes. 12 accounts? i justgive them the information to do the transfer? that's it. that's all. all right, i'll do it. then i will gladly do it. so he just gonna wirethe money to the accounts?

okay, fine. come on, let's go.where's my purse? y'all get my purse. joe, where's my purse? we've got to goup to new york. you know what?if you guys are gonna go, she can't look like this,she can't be wearing that. right. what's wrongwith what i got on?

this camefrom aretha franklin. aretha gave me this. and y'all knowaretha can dress. you've seen aretha,she makes fashion statements. how about barbara,cindy and i give you a makeover? introducing precious jackson. ta-da! wow.

this might work. no. i don't knowwhat the hell y'all are thinking. you look likea big ass bottle of pepto-bismol. (man announcing over pa) can i give you a hand, sir? (in french accent)yes. the luggage. the airport.

this bag. this way. here we go? going to the airport. right this way, ma'am. all right, i'll follow you. you ain't got to rush me,i know where the hell i'm going. the airport.a lot of people here. i'm nervous.i need to relax.

well, there's nothing tobe nervous about. it's just likeriding in a car, except you're30,000 feet higher. cars don't crashfrom 30,000 feet, george. you need somethingto calm your nerves, i got that old wee-wee. hey, what doesthat mean, drugs? is that drugs? i know you ain'tgot no drugs.

no drugs. if you got... i'm gonna beat your assif you got them drugs. you don't bringno drugs up in here. they got sniffing dogsup in here. y'all go through.i'm not going through with y'all. i'm not going through.excuse me, y'all. excuse me. i'm not going throughwith them at all.

madame, you aremaking a scene. watch yourself.watch yourself, here. that's a no, no. (speaks french) y'all go on.i don't know them. i don't know them. hi. hi. a little scary. when i'm finished doing,this gonna be the bomb. mmm-mmm-mmm.don't say "bomb."

don't say "bomb." what is the bomb? no, no, no. don't say... hey, he don't want mesaying "bomb." (shushing) what do i do,just give him the ticket? and show him my id? that's the way.

okay, that's me,and that's my ticket. that is the way. okay, thank you so much. all right.(chuckles nervously) now what y'all doing? what y'all doing? taking off our shoes. take off your personal itemsand put them in the tray. what they gonna dowith my personal items?

baby, i can'ttake off my shoe. do you know how hard it isfor a woman my size to take off her shoes? i'm supposedto take off my shoes? female guard: yes, ma'am. what the helldo i need to be taking my shoes off for? baby, when you're this big, it's hard totake your shoes off.

that's all i'm saying. take them off,but i don't know who the hell gonna help meput them back on. y'all so serious. watch that now. oh, lord. and you justpush it through there? now what i do? what i do? guard: right this way.

right this way. okay. i'm gonna come onthrough this thing. (beeping) what the hell is that? just step over here,please, ma'am. what was that? just step over herethrough the scanner. what'd you want me to do? step through here, please.

okay, all right. right through the scanner. now what am i supposed to do?this ain't gonna drop me down? just go and put your feetin the footsteps, please. that's really wide. you want me to putboth my feet where these yellow feet? my legsain't been open that wide

since i had my daughter. george, they want me tospread my legs. now what? guard: put your handsover your head, please. madea: like this? guard: that's it. hands over your head. wow, this is really sexual. reminds me backof my stripping days.

they usedto call me magnitude. you see anything? (scanner beeping) guard: can i have youstep outside, please? madea: huh? step outside. right this way.put your hands down. can i close my legs? yes, please.

stand rightover here, please. i'm just gonna doa quick pat down. on my body? go aheadand raise your hands. am i under arrest? no, ma'am. why you patting me down? just standard procedure. a standard...

i got to do all thisto get on the airplane? george, i got to do all thisto get on the airplane? guard: ma'am, it's juststandard procedure. i need you toput your hands up, please. go on, pat me down. now, wait a minute. you gonna finda roadmap to heaven. you better come onfrom up there now. come on up.

turn around. can i put my hands down? now wait.now what the hell you doing? boy. something back herethat you wanna tell me about? yes, that's my ass. it's from wall-to-wallin this skirt. we're clear.go right ahead.

you need tobuy me a cigarette or a drink or something after doing all that to me. you don't know me. i ain't felt that many handsall over my body since i got off that trainfrom mexico. where's my purseand my shoes? anybody ever told youyou look like beyonce? madea, i found my wifey.

shut the hell up back there.you in coach. you ain't supposed to talkto nobody in first class. didn't you see titanic? i'm nervous. i know. but behave. (rumbling) what the hell was that?what was that? there better not beno terrorer on this plane. is there a terrorer?

is there terrorer on here?better not be no terrorer. madea, it's a bump.bump, bump. what the hell a bumpdoing in the air? bumps are on the road. that's all. bumps ain't in the air. hell. this thing justmakes me nervous. i don't likebeing on this thing. i got to pee.i need something to relax me.

calm me down. what do you want?what do you want? i want a joint. you need thatgood-good, madea? madea: boy, shut up. just get me a drink.can i get a drink? can they geta lady a drink? can a colored womanget a drink? i'll get a flight attendant.

i'll get her.flight attendant? flight attendant?flight attendant? flight attendant? ma'am, are you okay? you're makingthe other passengers just a little bitnervous, okay? i would like somethingto drink, please. 'cause i needsomething to relax me just a little bit.

okay. what would you like? that depends.how much is it? you're in first class,it's free. okay. well, bring meevery damn thing you got back there. if it's brown, pour it. lord have mercy,i ain't never seen no place like this before. they call itthe big apple, huh?

i wonder why they call itthe big apple. i don't see no apples. do you seethe apples anywhere? madea: oh, i wanna seethat thing, too, that thing withthe torch on it. the statue.the statue of limitations. lord, look atall these people. i ain't never seenthis many people in one place

unless they be giving awaygovernment cheese. i don't understandwhy folk would be all on top ofeach other like this. this is too much.i got to get back to georgia. come on, let's goget this business done. new york! yes indeed, y'all.this is nice. jake: yeah, i'm innew york, baby. madea: how you doing?

hello, madame.may i take your bags? where you gonna take it? i'll take it to your room,if you like. no. no. no, no. (in french accent)she is world-traveled. she never thinkabout the luggage. i don't thinkabout no luggage. i don't thinkabout no luggage or the garbage

or none of that stuff. this way. well, get onout of the way there. let a lady pass. you in the way,george, move. let them open the door for me. thank you.thank you so much. this place is lovely.hello. welcome. thank you. welcome.

welcome to me.my first time here. hello. hello. ooh, they take dogs. well, oprah winfreymust stay here. is she here? this is lovely. run into me one more time,and i'm gonna knock the hell out of you. what the hell'swrong with you?

receptionist:good afternoon, sir. a reservation for jackson. ah, of course. good afternoon, madam. i have the reservation. i have your credit cardinformation on file. and here are your keys. and if you would beso kind as to sign here at the bottom of this form.

but of course. lovely accent. yes. the reservationis under precious jackson. that is my name.i'm one of the jackson family. well, really? that's wonderful, madam. yes, yes. yes. excellent.

well, it was la toyaand rebbie and me. yeah. and janet. little janet. wonderful. we are so proudto have you here, madam. excuse me. excuse me. back the hell up.thank you. if i have a phone callfrom janet or la toya or rebbie jackson... yes, madam?

...please put them through. they're always calling me,all the time. oh, i see. 'cause they needmakeup tips and advice. i'll put them right throughto your room. yes, thanks. i will do that, madam. yes. thank you so much. thank you. shall we go?

the elevatorsare to your left. and i do hopeyou enjoy your stay. well, yes, we will. yes, wonderful. don't fall over. you hit me with these bagsone more time, i will knockthe hell out of you. what's in here? get the hellon the elevator.

you gottwo midgets in here. (jake panting) oh, um... if randy or jermaineor tito call, tell them i just cannottalk right now, i'm gonna haveto call them later. very good, madam.i have that. what the hell youpulling me for, george? i know how toopen the door, here. this...

oh, this is nice. oh, lord,this furniture nice. ain't got no plastic on it.can't be too nice, though. bellman: good. wonderful. hello. your chocolate. yes, i know i'm chocolate. that's a new wayof saying "black"? i'm chocolate, yes.african-american.

forgive madame.she is, how you say, preoccupee. you gonna stopcalling me madame. my name is madea,not madame. zip it. for you, monsieur.thank you. thank you. thank you. what the hell was he juststanding up here for, just lookingall scary and weird?

i thought i had checkedinto the bates motel. he's standing therelike that. what was he waiting for? a gratuity. what is that? a tip. why didn't youjust say "tip"? i knowwhat the hell a tip is. now, george, how muchdid you just give that man?

you gave him paper money. how much was that? twenty. twenty what? dollars. $20. have you lostyour mind, george? waiter! excuse me.excuse me, sir. hello, mister. can i talkto you for just a second? mister? i'm tired as hell.

here. hold thisfor me, baby, and let me hold that. that's $20. baby, listen, if we wantedthat for chocolate, we'd go get us a snickers.here's your tip. pardon, monsieur, she is...whoo! (laughs) movez-vous. movez-vous. go on. go on. $20? would you get a grip?you've got to play the part.

trust me. appearance iseverything. okay? now, we needto get some rest so we can getto the bank early and get out of here. that's fine. let's getsome rest, then, george. but you ain't gonnagive no $20 to nobody. that's just damn crazy. child, if joecould see me now. this mattress is nice.

no, can't lay downflat like that. yeah. women who iswell-endowed can't lay flat. 'cause them breasts willsneak up around your neck and choke the hell out of youthrough the night. got to throw themover to the side. this is nice. silk. george: okay, here we go. here we go.

now remember, you're precious jackson, and you wanna get all the money transferred into the 12 accounts. madea: you can't keep runningthis over and over again. you're gonna make meforget everything. george: okay.this is it. this is it. i understand. you gonnamake me forget everything. i can't keep doing thisover and over again. just relax.

all right, i got it. i'm relaxed, george,i'm relaxed. but you tensing methe hell up. okay. okay. got it? i got it. i got it. remember,the man you're meeting, his name is jack goldenberg. what the hell you speakinga french accent for, george?

this is me and you talking. hell, i know howto speak french, too. (speaking gibberish) shut the hell up. i got it. jack goldenberg. excuse mewhile i do my tyra banks. oh, hello. can you help me?i'm here to see, uh, whoopi goldberg.

silly me. i'm sorry.i was just watching the view. i'm here to seejack goldenberg. jack goldenberg. may i tell him who's here? yes, ma... i'm sorry,i was about to say, "what a mighty god we serve." precious jackson is my name. i'm a part ofthe jackson family.

yes. but, you know,they put me on the outskirts. so now, it's justme and bubbles. oh, bubbles. yeah, yeah. that the monkey? yeah, great little monkey. oh, my god. yeah. i call him joe,but everybody else calls him bubbles.

you certainly do havean appointment. precious jacksonto see you. hello. hi.thank you so much, magdalene. it's so great to see you. how can i help you? oh, jack, i called you. we spoke aboutall the transfers that i need to do. i got that requestlast evening. let me see.

jack, can we do this? i'd like to addone more account to that. because i'm feelingso generous and i've givento so many charities. here is the account number. i know that's 12,this'll be the 13th. thirteenth? and, of course,in this economic climate, you're gonna needmy identification.

precious jackson.here you are. well, thank you. jake: she's been in thereway too long. she's not. she hasn't been,and she's doing a mission. very dangerous workshe's doing. you're just...you know what? you're such a... i'd hate to becliff-diving with you. look, i saw thisin a movie once.

you go east, i go west,we meet in the subway. we'll make it out alive. i'm not runningwith you. okay? i'm not running downthe street like some biatch. like some biatch, okay? wait. what are youtalking about, fool? i'm committedto see this through. you knowwhat they'll do with you with that mustache in jail?

you better not snitch. please. you kill me. there she is. jack, you kill me. now, our cover. madea: yes, thank you. she got it. but if there'sanything else you need,

you calljack goldenberg directly. i certainly will.i certainly will. may i help you? oh, you're delightful. what a lovely woman. no. i've got it.i've got it. you got to stopflirting with me. you ain't getting nothing. i see you looking at my ass.

don't you do that.don't you do that. i would never do that. stop that flirting with me. what a woman.what a woman. i'll see you later.all right. well, our pleasure again. did you get it? let's go. (all laughing)

thank you very much, sir.thank you. well, what did he say? well, he's not very happyand neither am i that you took my auntup to new york. to that bank. that's crazy. but he's gettinga lot of calls from the charities, they're very happy. the press isvery excited about it,

so he's okay, and so am i. well, what doesthat mean for me? you've helped usgather enough information and evidence againstyour former bosses that we gota pretty solid case. with that information,we pressured them, and they've agreedto testify against the malone family, so they won't be after you.

so we just talked aboutdropping the charges against you. what you did, getting thoseaccounts back in order, and having all that moneywired back to the charities, all 13 of them, it's really great. yeah. yeah. yeah, it was. you're free to go, george. so i'm free?

enjoy your life, george. take care of yourself.stay out of trouble. the other way. this has been lovely.it's just been so fun having y'all here. madea, thank you. thanks for everything. oh, you have no ideahow much i wanna say, "get the hell out."

but i'm holding that in,because i'm showing so much love to you. i enjoyed having y'all here. the best part about companyis when they leave. i'm gonna miss youso much, madea. aww. that's okay, child.all them potatoes in my house is glad you leaving. me, too.

yeah? can we come back and visit? oh, that is so sweet.you wanna come back and visit? no, i don't think so.i'm sorry. you can write meletters, though. long, long, long letters. dissertations fromvery, very, very far away. okay, time to get herthe hell out of here.

now she gets it. okay, mom, let's go.one last time. there's my boy.there's my boy. bye, joe. i'll be back. i'll be back, joe. bye. y'all, come on. mabel, get them the hellout of here now. madea: i'll see y'all around. bye. bye.

(indistinct talking) (crowd cheering) yes! love you, dad. love you, son. (all singing) (vocalizing) (laughs) yeah! i did that.i got that money, baby.

i got that money! i don'twant to go to prison, because, you know? food is bad, i'm probablygonna lose weight. probably go down to nothingand get gang-raped. i don't wanna showerin prison. they can do strange thingsto you in prison. do you understand?do you understand? i think i can handle myself.i really do.

i really do.i just don't want to go through the experience of having to do that. okay? i don't want to have to worryabout other guys in there. when i get so mad, i'm gonnahave to use my fists, you know,just to defend myself. go upstairsand get your mom's pills. find a little straitjacketand calm down... and a straitjacket, too.

perry:figure this out, maysie. madea: and then you put inthat fatback grease, and you make sure it justsits there and soak, so it'll be light. i got some oatmealon the stove, and i got some greensthat's gonna clean you out. it's like none of thisis gonna matter. (both laugh) that's pretty goodfor never doing it.

oh, boy. is she doing it, too? wow. she kept her promise. what the hell?charlie sheen. hey. what a surprise. how are you?look who back here. look who back here hiding. it's charlie sheen. big fan.

i'm a big fan of yours, too. i've wanted to do thisever since... i'm sorry. that's freaky.that's freaky. that's freaky. damn. sorry, sorry. go on.go on, rest yourself. rest yourself. no motorboating.no motorboating. cut.

cindy: where's howie? oh, god, you don'teven want to know what happened to howie. it was so awful. they just told methere was a buffalo and a monkey somewhere, and i just have notbeen able to figure how they got out of the zoo. (laughing) i'm sorry.

i am 6'4" tall and a woman. do you thinki have self-esteem issues? i ain't never playedfor the wnba, but i could. i ain't got noself-esteem issues, hell. i got a mustache.do you understand? i'm a dude upunder this stuff. sorry, this isprecious jackson. i'm inthe presidential suite. and there aretwo toilets here.

and i was tryingto figure out, which oneam i supposed to use? i don't knowwhich one suits me best. one of themhas things on it like a faucet. what is that for? yes, you know howyou turn on the faucet. i'm not a sir, i'm a ma'am.you don't hear me, honey? okay, yes,there's two toilets here.

there's one that i recognizeand then there's one that i don't recognize. it's got two handles on it, like you gonnawash your hands or something. a bidet?what is a bidet, honey? i don't need bengaysand all that stuff. just trying to figure outwhat the toilet is. right. your hands?

it's for washing your ass? no, when i wanna wash my ass,i take a bath, honey. that's just nasty.now who'd do that? listen, i didn't knowyou were gonna answer the phone. i thought the phonewas disconnected. i'm so sorry. okay. i'll talkto you later. bye. man: there was actuallysomebody there?

yes. yes, the whole time. (crew laughing) she was trying toexplain to me what it was. i'd like to orderone of your famous... baby, this sayhamburgers $45. what the hellis on the burger? no, no, no. for $45, there better bemore than a hamburger. for $45, it betterget up in this bed

and roll around with mefor a little while. you don't thinkthat's funny. okay. no. do you havechicken wings? you don't do those. well, maybe you canask the chef to prepare them for me, then. how many would i like?that depends. how many are therein the order? okay, sevenchicken wings. okay.

how much arethe seven chicken wings? $30 a wing? 30 damn dollars a wing? you crazy as hell.people pay that? oh, no, honey, i can't.$30 for a damn chicken wing? do you know thati can get 20 of them, they come in a pack,20 for $1.99 down at roscoe's? i can't have this, honey.

no, i'm gonna starvein this hotel. (in french accent)my name is precious jackson. (deep voice)my name is precious jackson. (whiny voice)my name is melinda. hello, i'm precious jackson. yo. yo, what's up?i'm precious. they call me precious. i thought you were, you know,some tough guy from the hood? you know,"my biggest nightmare."

thug life, fool.thug life, fool. do me a favor.send your old man some moneyevery now and then. just a little something.it ain't got to be nothing. just four, five,$20,000, $30,000 a month or something, you know? (coughs) i'll put a little somethingin an envelope. don't worry.we'll take care of you.

okay. and listen,don't write no checks, 'cause i gota little trouble with the irs. okay. well,it'll just be cash. okay, good. just be cash.that's the cleanest. yeah, yeah, that's the waythe dope boy do it. you can spend cash. yes, you can.yes, you can.

i know a lot of waysto spend them. i'll be making it rain. joe, a real pleasuremeeting you. yeah, get your handoff me, son. i don't like peopletouching me. folks don't washtheir hands. all right, dad. all right, son. son. dad.

i love you now. i love you, too, dad. i love you. i love youwith the love of the lord. he thinks i'm his son. well, this has beena lovely, lovely, lovely... been a great movie.didn't you enjoy it?