i'm penn, and this ismy partner, teller. well, actually that'snot the two of us, but we figured thisis a much better visualto start the show. that's becausetonight's show is breasts, wondrous,arousing, nourishing mounds of sexy, bouncybeautiful nature have generated evenbigger mounds of historical, psychological, political,and sexual bullshit. yep, boobs, tits,knockers, and jugs.
fuck. is this the best showon tv or what? in your face, dancing with the stars. whoo hoo! yah ha ha ha! yee-hah! whether it's hollywood, me,the media, me, culture critics, me,or the government or me, everyone is obsessedwith women's breasts. the media are focusedon whose tits aregenetically coded, whose tits are aftermarket,
and which drunken socialiteslipped a nip. social prudes thinkexposed breasts degrade society. what is it about mammary glandsthat makes peopleso nucking futs? yep. it's gonna be a great show. let's scrub in and get downwith our sterile selves. we turn first to robin williamsfrom patch adams. i--i mean, uh,dr. howard bellin, a new york board-certifiedplastic surgeon who specializesin breast augmentation.
he's the michelangeloof mammaries. so, doc, give us the the abcsof those double ds. the breast is actuallya modified sweat glandembryologically that develops intothese lovely things, so the breast alsoof course has function, and that isto nurse the child. penn: man, if this wasthe kind of science theytaught in high school, there'd be at least2 fewer magicians in the world. i could watch this guytalk all day.
all right, well,anatomically,you have the nipple. around it isthe areola, and then you havewhat is calledthe parenchyma, the breast mass. that consists mainlyof fat, and, uh, some fibrous tissue,glands, and ducts. penn: yeah, fibrous tissue. ahem. seriously,these are the lovelyand harmless objects that people getso wacked about.
go ahead. study them. focus on them. reach up and fondlethe fuckin' screen if you want. now, then, is everyone ok? of course! it's just tits! beautiful, bouncy,sexy tits. so what the fuckis all the fuss about? and who are these peoplewho are so scared by a tit? so-called decency organizationslike focus on the family,
which sounds like a group,but is probably like, you know,one creep in a garage. there's uptight busybodycommunity standards boards and of course people who arejust sexually repressed. and then there's this...lawyer. i'm jonna spilbor,and i'm againstpublic breast exposure. i would love to have a law which would preventnursing mothers from nursing in frontof my face in public. penn: we weren't talkingabout breastfeeding,
but now thatyou mention it... if i am, uh, at taco bellenjoying a burrito and a mother is6 inches away from meexpressing milk, i have a little problemwith that. penn: if you're6 inches away from a motherbreastfeeding at taco bell, she probablyhas a problem with you,too, ms. space invader. but of course,you want a fuckin' law. jonna is criminaldefense lawyer andlegal commentator, and she's not the only onewho wants you nursing momsto keep it in your bra.
there havebeen a tit-load of womenwho have been harassed for simply using their breastsfor their secondary use, feeding kids. jonna: nursing mothers,in my opinion, are rude. it's as if all of a sudden,once you give birth, you are conferredwith all these rightsand privileges that you didn't havebefore you give birth, like every motherhas given birth to the baby jesus.that's not true.
and not all of uswant to see the beautiful actof nursing your child. that act is onlybeautiful to youwhen you're doing it. it's not beautiful to me. not my breasts,not my kid, not my business. penn: and it's notyour fuckin' show. and maybe it's the lighting, but to us,this is beautiful, and... so is this. sophia rossi,adult film actress
and club jennacontract girl. i believe there's a stigma forwomen who breastfeed in public, because again we go back to mennot being able to separate breasts and sexand eroticness and sexuality and horniness from breastsgiving life and nutrition. penn: yep, bullshitwent to a porn set and got an adult-film actressto illuminate the importanceof breastfeeding. why? becauseshe's breastfed 2 kids and because we want you tolove us more than sleeper cell.
i used to be partof la leche league. la leche leagueencourages womento breastfeed their children, not to buy formula. penn: la leche leagueis the most prominentorganization that provides assistanceand supports the rightsof women to breastfeed. according to them... hey, hey, hey.graphics dude. thank you. "mothering through breastfeeding
"is the most naturaland effective way of understanding and satisfyingthe needs of the baby." the u.s. surgeon generalrecommends-- ahem! [clears throat] "babies be fedwith breast milk only-- no formula--for the first6 months of life. there's somethingcalled colostrum, actually, that comes out ofa woman's breast right after you give birth.
and it hasthe most protein nutrients, highest calorie. it has more stuff in it than you could ever imagine. penn: right.it's totally natural. just like the lovethat 3 women share in the backyard ofa rented house in van nuys. the bond that you sharewith your child breastfeeding itis unlike anything else.
it's priceless. penn: when porn starsstart waxing sentimental, you knowyou're watchin' bullshit. uh, i don't thinkthere should beany restrictions on where womenare allowedto breastfeed why should--shoulda baby be summonedto the bathroom or-- you wouldn't eatyour lunch there. why shoulda baby have to eattheir lunch there? i'm chelsi meyerson.
i'm a motherwho was harassedat toys r us for breastfeedingmy child. penn: in september, 2006,chelsi was confrontedby toys r us employees at their flagship storein times square. so, chelsi,tell us what happenedat toys r us that day. mason got hungry, so i founda quiet corner. and sat down andstarted feeding him. a saleswomanapproached me,
and she said, "youcan't do that here." and i said,"breastfeed my child?" and she said, "no.there's a room inthe basement for that." penn: that's wherewe wanna have lunch. and i said, "no.it's ok. i'm fine. "my daughter's playingaround on this floor. i'm not gonna goto the basement." and she said, "oh, butit's very inappropriate. there arechildren around."
penn: sure.it's toys r fuckin' us, not toys r youand your kids. we're pro-breastfeedingand pro-freedom, but we also thinkbusiness ownershave the right to run their storesany way they want to. and if theywanna keep outnursing mothers, we have the rightto buy our toyssomewhere else. excuse me. do you havethose, uh, pacifiers with the, uh--well, with the fullattachments?
oh, yes. that's perfect. you--you don't have tobother wrapping it. i'll--i'll eat it here. the damage that couldbe done to children by seeing a woman's breastin public is not that far off from the damagethat can be done to children who engage in sexual activitywith adults. penn: wait a second. i'm not surei heard that right,
because just likeour cameraman, i was hypnotizedby her tits. so could we hear that again? ha ha ha ha ha ha! i get it. she's justfuckin' with us, right? here's the weird thing aboutlaws in our society, right. if you take a womanand she exposes her breasts in the state of new yorkright now for no reason, she can go to jail for 15 daysfor doing that, right.
but the moment you takea 10-pound hungry person and attach itto that exposed breast, now all of a suddenher activity goes fromcriminal to beautiful, and we're supposedto embrace that, and that is bullshit. penn: ha ha ha ha ha ha!she's killin' me. and that coffeecake,you know, store-bought. but enough pap. let's hear fromsomebody who pioneeredthe feminist movement
and knows whatshe's talkin' about. erica jong,novelist, poet, and spokespersonfor women. penn: sadly, she only earns70% of what the spokespersonfor men makes. erica was at the forefrontof the woman's liberationmovement and has written 8 novels,including the 1973 classic fear of flying. her latest is seducing the demon. look! look! look!product placement. so, erica, why do the f.c.c.and the cultural conservatives
go so fuckin' crazy when theysee a bare breast in public? we have so sexualizedthe breast that we don't remember that it's forother things, too. one of themis feeding children. one of them is sexual. another oneis identifyinga person as female. penn: right.in different contexts, breasts meandifferent things,
but they'realways sexy. sorry. i thinkthat most of usare not so stupid that we can'ttell the difference. in certainsituations, breasts are sexual. in other situations,they're not. duh. why is thisso difficult? penn: i get it. i'm surethere are some situationswhere they're not sexy. i just can't think of any.
hold it.mindy, mindy, mindy, mindy, mindy, listen. um... [sighs] i'm really sorry. uh, normally we--we'd bust our asses to come up with metaphorsto get, uh, tits into the show, but, uh, this show alreadyhas a shitload of breasts. we--we don't really need you. thanks.thanks a lot, mindy. you can get your checkfrom patti right over there.
[gasping] i feel so empty! while 43 states have lawspermitting public breastfeeding, almost everywherein this country, it's against the lawto show your titsjust for the hell of it. fortunately,there are still some rebels. well--[chuckles] a lot of people talkabout us showing our breasts. i'm insultedby the word "show."
it actually pisses me off. i say we're not in thisto show anybody anything. we're in--we're in thisto free them. penn: man, she is so cool. she's like clint eastwoodwith tits. who is she? my name is elizabeth book. i am the organizerof the topfree stand protesthere in daytona beach. penn: topfreedomis a national movement
actively campaigningfor the rights of women to go shirtlesswherever men do, like at the beach or the gymor the philharmonic. and it's not just some whimliz came up with. it's a real social movement. it even has its ownwikipedia entry, as does licorice. [music stops] we call it topfree,
because we don't wantto be correlated to strip jointsand adult entertainment. when you say, "topless,"people, you know, automaticallytheir minds go that way. topfreedom is--it's a great adjectivefor freeing our breasts. not that being toplessfor adult entertainment is a bad thing i feel so much better now. i mean, you know,we already paid her. liz and other women whoadvocate for topfreedom believe that exposingtheir breasts
is a form of free expression that's protectedby the constitution. now when i do bare my breastsin protest, it's as if i'm actuallybaring them in preservationof our constitution, and--and i truly feel-- i sign my cor-correspondence topfree and constitutionalrevolutionary liz book. i am a revolutionary. penn: so how did elizabethbecome a revolutionary?
it all started herein daytona beach,florida, at biketoberfest, a huge biker rally heldevery year in biketember. this is the oneheld in 2006. however, elizabeth's odysseybegan at biketoberfest 2004. one day, i had walkedup main street in daytonaduring biketoberfest, and in walking appar--maybe 6 blocks-- i saw at least 6 young womenhandcuffed, arrested, hair down, in the alleys, crying. penn: that isso fucking sexy.
but liz didn't like it. the police told lizthat a couple hundred women had been arrested that dayfor flashing their tits, a violation ofthe decency laws of a city whose biggest industryis spring break. i stormed all the wayback to my house. i wrote up the first flyer, "thousand womenmake a topfree standon daytona beach," made up a hundred of 'em,got out there withmy little stapler,
stuck 'em on telephone poles. [cheering] penn: hey, tits andstaple guns. count me in. we'll see what happenedwith liz's protestin a little while, but first, we need to answer2 important questions. one--can we see moreof that headless modelin the doctor's office? 2--is exposingyour breasts in public really protectedby the constitution? uh, the first amendmenttalks of freedom of speechor of the press,
but it isn't literallylimited to speaking orusing a printing press. communicationswith photographs isconstitutionally protected, uh, as well as communicationthrough symbols-- waving flags, burning flags,wearing armbands. eugene volokh, professorof first amendment lawat ucla law school. penn: not onlyis professor volokha legal genius who once clerkedon the supreme court. he also graduated from uclawith a degree in mathand computer science at the age of--we're not kidding--15.
and that was just last year,so don't show him any tits. heh heh. ok, we're--we're kidding aboutthe "last year" part. it is probably the case thatthere's no first-amendment right to expose one's breasts at all. penn: but, professor,if waving flags is protected, shouldn't waving tits be? i mean, the flag is justa piece of cloth, but tits are tits,for christ's sake. if you wanna makea first-amendment argument,
you've gotta be tryingto express something. it's not the kind of thinglike waving the flag, where people looking at itrecognize, "oh, this must bedone for an expressive reason." most of the time,people who expose their breasts uh, are not tryingto communicate anything. i mean, it's restricted. it's restricted not becauseof the message it sends, but because it is understood asintrusive on unwilling viewersin certain ways, uh, that it, um, kind of, uh,grabs people in an erotic way
that a lot of peopledon't like to see in public. what's erotic is differentfor each person. we think this is sexy. and this, too. and, uh--and this. and this. it's great, beautiful. if it bothers you,just look the other way. it's easy.
what we need now isa world-renowned scholar, someone who's made studyingthe breast and its historytheir life's work, someone with a ph.double-d. i'm marilyn yalom,author of a historyof the breast and a senior scholarat the stanford institutefor research on women. if you think ofa stone age mother, she would havelooked to the breast as somethingnot only essential, but somethingto be venerated.
penn: wow! a scholarat stanford, and she's smart! oh, the egyptiansin ancient egypt viewed breastsvery respectfully. in fact,the goddessisis' breasts were believedto confer divinity to the youngpharaohs. duringthe middle ages, the small breastwas honored and thought to be,uh, the mostattractive.
penn: also considered hotduring the middle ages-- women without lice. well, there's alwaysbeen this dichotomy. you know,in 18th-centuryengland, fine ladiesdidn't breastfeedtheir kids. they farmed them outto a baby farmer, a wet nurse. it's always beenan elitist thing. the breastsof the peasants
are allowedto be visible, but the breastsof the fine ladies can only be glimpsed through laceor netting or the topof a corset. so it's a classthing, really. poor breasts are ok. rich breastsare not. [chuckles]
penn: that kind of explains why no one protestsnaked african womenin national geographic, but as soonas paris hilton's nipple slips out of herdental floss dress, it's a role modeldestroying our youth. and what aboutamerican tit history? early american womenwere knownto breastfeed in the publicly--in the privacyof their homes and even in church.
penn: colonial americansbreastfed in church? that could fuck a kid up. i mean the church part. so why does anyone stillget uptight about tits? hey! show usyour titties! penn: wait, maybe we shouldask dr. howard bellin. i think menare attracted tobeautiful breasts because they aretotally feminine.
it is the part ofthe female anatomy that the mandoesn't have. penn: oh, yeah, if youdon't count the vagina, the uterus, and the genefor folding stuff. so much for fuckin' science. there is a serious sideto breasts, and that's breast cancer, unfortunatelynot bullshit. according to the americancancer society,
it kills roughly 40,000 womena year in the u.s. alone. another 275,000are diagnosed. we'd like you to meetone of them. i was 41 years old. um, i'd had a mammogram4 months before. when i was doinga breast self-exam, i found a lumpin my breast. i went to my doctor. uh, my doctor triedto figure out what it was,
and it turned outto be cancer. barbara brenner,executive directorbreast cancer action. but i had a mastectomy.that was 1996. it's an experience that-- through which i wouldgive my life literally to keep anybody elsefrom going through it. penn: barbara's organizationis a san francisco-basedgrass-roots advocacy group dedicated to endingthe breast cancer epidemic while simultaneouslyeducating the public
about where manyof their donationsfor breast cancer really go. if people reallywanna do somethingabout breast cancer, they can--they canthink about the fact that they don't needanother tchotchke at home. penn: and the tchotchkeshe's talkin' about are those ubiquitouspink ribbons. what they need is to writea check to an organizationthat's making a difference. there are lotsof breast cancer organizations. we want people to dosomething besides worryand besides shop.
penn: shop--that's whatmany people do to helpfight breast cancer. a search on amazon turned uphundreds of products emblazoned withthat pink ribbon, the symbol that provesbeyond a shadow of a doubt that you careabout breast cancer. you can buy cookies,post-it notes, car magnets,scented candles, dog leashes, garden gloves,tennis balls, and breast cancer awarenesscar freshener.
you can even get a stencil if you wannaspray-paint a pink ribbonon everything else you own. corporations alsoemblazon their productswith a pink ribbon, and what's the reason? companies do this,put pink ribbon on a product,for several reasons. one is women buythe most products,so market to them. the second is womenare more concerned about breast cancerthan any other disease. and the third thing--doesn't get a lot of attention--
is you can talk aboutbreast cancer, which is a way of talkingabout sex withouttalking about sex, so it's sexy to putbreast cancer on something, and that is--has its own sales impact. penn: right. no company'smarketing its products to raise awarenessfor lung cancer, even though lung cancerkills almost twiceas many women per year. shithead marketersdon't think lungs are sexy. and 10 times as many womenare killed by heart disease.
and that's notthe only outrage. barbara alsohas some issues with thosebreast cancer run-walks. people who are sponsoringbreast cancer walksdon't want you to know that for all the moniesbeing raised, we are no closerto a cure and certainly no closerto prevention than we were25 years ago. penn: and why is that? well, cancer'sa motherfucker,
very hard to cure. but also,according to barbara, there area few other reasons. a lot of the money raisedat these run-walks is used to underwritethe cost of the event. also there is no coordinatedeffort in america to cure breast cancer, so a lot of the moneythat does go for research ends upat the same places peopleare already donating to.
plus too much money goesto raise more awareness, so that leaves even less moneyto spend on finding a cure and almost nothingfor finding the cause. if walking and runningcould cure breast cancer, it would be cured already. these effortsare really positive forthe people who do them. coming together for peoplewho've had disease or who'vebeen affected by disease is a very powerful thing, but is it making a differencein the outcomesfor everybody else?
not clear that it is. penn: look, we're not sayingthe organizers of these eventshave bad intentions. they do accomplishsome good. they raise moneythat might not havebeen raised otherwise, and they provide comfortto the participants, many of whom arecancer survivors themselves. but we still preferbarbara's method of protest. she wears a buttonthat says, "cancer sucks."
let's go back to daytona nowand find out what happened as elizabeth book preparedto make her topfree stand. well, 2 nights prior to that,homeland security, a homeland securityrepresentative, steven beirs, came out to my housewith a female officer as well. penn: fuck, yeah! homeland security steps upto keep us safe, stopping jugson the beach in florida. so, liz, with the full forceof the u.s. government
bearing down on you,you had to cancel, right? when people said,"give it up, liz. "you can't do it.it'll never happen. you'llnever see this," i continuallyjust looked 'emin the eye and said,"watch me. watch me." penn: you betwe'll watch you. this is footagefrom liz's protest.
"hold your handsand your heads up. "walk with dignityand remember the eyesof the world are upon you. "let 'em hear our voices, ok? no more rest.free our breasts." penn: hey, it lookslike it went smoothly. and as i crossed onto the bridgeand homeland stepped up, all the way across that bridge,officer beirs continuallysaid the same thing. "you know you'regonna be arrested. "why don't you give this up?
"you know all of your friendsare gonna be arrested. give this up. haven't yougone far enough?" he said. i looked this manin the eye, and i said, "do you even knowwhat conviction means,you asshole?" and this one'sfor the troops, all right? penn: liz was arrestedand charged with violating the city'spublic nudity law. almost a year and a half later,she was finally acquitted when the judge ruled thatthe baring of her breastson the bridge
was constitutionallyprotected speech. so breast waving is the sameas flag waving some of the time. and they found that,yes, and it is a constitutionally protectedfirst-amendment protestthat i-i'm doing, but, uh, it doesn't meanthat our breasts are free yet. outside of the protest formator context, we cannot bare our breasts,as of yet. penn: so a man can take offhis shirt anywhere,
but a woman hasno constitutionallyprotected right to bare her breasts, except for proteststhat it's illegalto bare her breasts. how fuckin' wack is that? that's as if you're onlyallowed to hold a protest sign to protest it was illegalto hold a protest sign. so let's make a newconstitutional amendment. when in the courseof human events itbecomes necessary for one people to dissolvethe clothing whichhas covered their tits,
so be it. we hold these titsto be self-evident. they are part of life,liberty, and most of all,the pursuit of happiness. that's the 44th amendment,or 44 double-d for short. captioned by the nationalcaptioning institute--www.ncicap.org--
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