iâ´m an et!iâ´m an et, and nobody believes it, but i am! people love labels: "what itâ´s that you do, what you are", and i donâ´t quite know. in this paralel world that iâ´d created art was very strong and things that i tought,for example, if i were a famous holywood actress so i would get peopleâ´s attention! then iâ´ll be happy, my mom will think iâ´m nice and sheâ´ll be pride of me! alternative to cure and at that time i went to london,
when i controlled the disease and was symptom free, i studied filmmaking and all, and a teacher said: "youâ´re a natural for acting! you must study!"so in my head i wanted to be an actress, right! when i was studying i started toget in touch with myself, and then i got to find out who i was, and allthose dark memories from the uncounciouss started do pop out into my consciouss, and as the time went on i said: "i donâ´t want to be an actress, iâ´ve neverwanted to, itâ´s just that i love films, direction i love screenwriting, i love using films and videosto do...i always ask myself: "why am i doing this?"so itâ´s very common when youâ´re
not well, to project things outside, especiallyin this ridiculous society which we live in where you are your profession, and i was alreadyexcluded from society and society, right... you fill applications out and "profession?"and i said, "how embarassing, i donâ´t have a profession!iâ´m already 26", at that time, "and i donâ´t have a profession!" so to me, it had always been a bad thing all that and then the acting thing, "oh, but youâ´rean actress!", the profession if we think itâ´s what makes you make money, and whatiâ´ve earned as an actress, jeez, iâ´d never lived on it. iâ´ve already put the queen down! you know that you are my best player!let me handle the princess.
how am i making money right now? iâ´m notiâ´m excluded from society, i donâ´t have income yet, iâ´ve founded an ngo so peoplelike me, which are all excluded from society because of disabling diseases,which are not seen as diseases, so we can make a movementto society understands: this is a disease, we need to have support,law support, just like any other disease and we need to be included in society.society creates lots of labels, and where labels are required so laws can be passed,just the case of diseases, people say "oh, but labelling a disease is tagging people!" society works that way: it sees things with tags. so the person is ill you have to give her the label, so
laws can be passed to protect that person.in this case, where labels are needed, we donâ´t have them yet. thereâ´s no laws to support who suffers from a mental disease. i love my family, but unfortunately iâ´ll never be able to say thatthey helped me or supported me during my treatment, that was not the case.since childhood, since 8 years old i have symptoms, right! who helped me a lot and opened my eyes up:"bitch, for godâ´s sake go get treatment!" it was my friends, right!even because during that time, college time i had so many crisis, so in the middle of the classiâ´d burst out in tears, or iâ´d only sleep,
it was nightmare!so one time me and a girl friend went out, to a party, a college party and i had a strong panic crisis, and she didnâ´t drive, but she had to take my carand, you know, figure out! and then she said: "bitch, enough!",iâ´m calling your mom!", and she said câ´mon, right! something is pretty wrong!"and iâ´d already read something about depression and i said: "thatâ´s what i got!" there are studies today stating that 50% of the depression diagnosis are, in fact,bipolar disorders, because bipolar disorder has several levels too,thereâ´s bipolar type i, the classic one, right!
that everybody knows about, with mania and depression stages very clear and other bipolar levels, which arethe mild bipolar disorders. then what happened, in my case, i got itsince i was a kid, i was only diagnosed when i was 18 years and the more you taketo diagnose a psychiatric condition, the worse it gets and then when i was diagnosed, they diagnosed mewith depression. and i got 5 years trying out treatments for depression.of course iâ´d get worse, because i was to find that out, i guessa year ago, that actually my correct diagnosis is bipolar disorder and notdepression. and then thereâ´s the thing of adjustingthe medication dosage, go to therapy, psychoanalysis
and i lied a lot at therapy, because i hatedto sit and talk, 18 years old, right! so i sat and then i lied.what kind of lies? i lied, i didnâ´t want to face reality,i didnâ´t want to face it, to get into my family story, my lifestory, because it was too painful. path it was when i started to do an acting course, whichwas with a crazy teacher that uses lots of alternative therapies, lots of meditation techiniquesand it was during this course that i started to know myself. i said:"fuck, thereâ´s another path for healing, itâ´s not just psychoanalysis, with medication,and psychiatrist", so i got to find out
that was lots of things!and because i was already fed up with psychiatrists as i went to several of them that didnâ´t help mei said: "iâ´ll keep the florals", and my friend was already giving them to meso i went to search and it was when i found doctor ana.i believe, i interpret that what sheâ´s being through is so she can use in her life,her profession, right! to help out other people. and what made me comfortable regardingdoctor ana, because i donâ´t think itâ´s the floral itself, nor the therapies themselves, butthe therapist, the relation with the guy that will treat you. you gottatrust that person, have empathy, and when i met doctor ana was, wow, you know!we hit it off right from the beggining, and
i said: "i can trust her! she knows it!" becauseonly who went through it know it! as jung used to say: "before anything, the therapist isan injured that has cured himself", so when he sees the patient talking, he knows that wound really hurts, he knows the depth of that, he compreehends. so with the panic crisis, then it comesthe family, my sisters: "oh, youâ´re feeling that becauseof mom and dad", and then it was when i realised it was no useto blame anyone, because that was inside of me, i donâ´t know if it was because of the upbringing,if it came because of past life, or if it was a life challenge...i just know that i realised it was
inside of me, and the only one who couldtake that out, it was me. so it was when i had an inner attitude,or something had it for me, itâ´s very interesting but i went searching.so it was when a friend came and said: "why donâ´t you take florals?"then after 15 days, the panic crisis stopped. "wow!", it was when i thought:"these florals really work!" it was when i started to understand and realisethe causes of diseases, their roots, many things that conventional medicine says: "no! this is from unkowncause or itâ´s genetics" i think that the cure happens when the personchanges his way to live. when he identifies the causes of that disease, that pain,the cause of that discomfort
and then he can change that, soyou can heal yourself. the pharmaceutical industry sponsors several studies,biased researches they manipulate data, and why?because they make billions, so you think that they care if iâ´m getting better from a depression?or even if iâ´m a bipolar? they just donâ´t care! so, people need to start to have accessto this information to know that doctors study a lot, of course theyneed all respect because i guess any human being deserves respect, butdoctors are not always right! itâ´s not because heâ´s a doctor that he knowsit all, he doesnâ´t, the guy doesnâ´t have time to recycle himself anymore. for a while the patient keeps taking
the medication and the floral, but the floralmakes the person better so the doctor sees that the patient is welland the doctor weans the patient off.integrative medicine does not exclude anything, or if you need to take the medicine, youcan take it, but besides medication, beyond all the modern medicine, it alsoincludes altenative treatments and complementary. so, it works the life style, so yoga, eating habits, meditation, homeopathy,acupunture, because you gotta get to the cause of the problem, otherwise thereâ´s no point!thanks to all those therapies i could reach the cause of the problem.thereâ´re some who heal and some who donâ´t
why is that? same thing with medication!why some patients that have cancer do chemotherapy and get cured, andothers die? what is in all that? thereâ´s something!and what is that something? itâ´s about choices, right! choices from the spirit. when we talk about spitrituality, right,spirit, soul, essence, people link that to religion and itâ´s not religion,you have an essence, you feel your essence you feel your soul, you donâ´thave to be in any kind of religious cult. you donâ´t have to be a catholic, nor spiritualist,nor jewish, you can be whatever you want, you only need to feel that conexionwith yourself, within yourself!
thereâ´re lots of things involved and each onewill have to search for his own healing path. i think that the good news is: thereâ´re zillionsof ways, thereâ´s a way, right! i said based on my own life experience, until todayi wake up and say: "wow, i feel good!" and i had no idea what that was! so thereâ´s a way!but you gotta want that a lot, you gotta be patient and unfortunatelyin brazil, you gotta have money to pay for treatment. and the conventional treatment sucks,because if it was good people who get treatment would be betterand theyâ´re not! so we have a scenario of human misery,itâ´s a lot of people suffering. when i was diagnosed, that i thought thelife time uncomfort would go away
i said: "wow, how "cool"! not even the doctorsare helping me! iâ´ve been having treatment for months and iâ´m getting worse!" it was when i thought: "if those people full of titles, people that study a lot, if not even they are helping me, so no one can!" it was when i tried. i tried taking all the medication that didnâ´t work. "i need to talk about that story, i need to talk aboutthis disease, i need to talk, because iâ´m up to a point thatâ´s enough."because i thought: "at least if i kill myself people wonâ´t say that idid it out of the blue, right!" because thatâ´s what people say: "he killed himself out of nowhere!"out of nowhere people, the person wakes up and says: "wow, cool! the sun is shining, iâ´ll jump out of the window!people think is like that! itâ´s said that 90%
of suicide cases, the suicide has a mental disease,so nobody kills himself out of nowhere, right! and then, with the film, people and the mediawere interested and we started to talk about the subject and that helped me,this thing of talking about, and i said: "this is helpping me!", show my face, speak my mind, right!and i had done a blog, so i said: that helps me, it was when i accept the disease. and then geison and i, we always had that idea of opening something to make films and all,but then as we always had that... as we come from stories of abuse, negligence and disorders, we said: "what if we make films and videos related to that?"so, to me, the process of the ngo
was very important, because it helped me to get betterand then we have this main focus, which is very hard, that is to do a campaing at a national level with the government, just like we have the aidsâ´, breast cancerâ´s, to bring awareness but we have so much difficulty in gettingsponsors and doing some research i realized thatâ´s obviously the government wonâ´t be interested in doing that now, even with the scary numbers,even those diseases being the ones that have generated more economic spending, right?because how will the government do such campaing if they need to send those people to someplace? the thing is: there is not! we have "sus", some "caps" here and there,some things, but they donâ´t supply
for the number of people who are ill, and peopleare very ill! so we realised that: "thatâ´s not gonna happen!"and then we started to think about the possibility of starting an integrative medicine center to treat mood disorders in the future. "psychology will never say the truth about madness, because itâ´s madness that holds the truth about psychology" michel foucault cause i believe that no one is born like that! nobody is born like that! and thereâ´s not a disease that comesout of nowhere. all that is pretty new so the thing is that people need tokeep an open mind! the studies are new
and all the focus was to serotonin: "my braindoes not work!", no, go deeper! and then one day i sat with my sister andi said "wow, i guess iâ´m going mad, because iâ´mcreating memories from our childhood, and adolescense, and as i can seeby the familiesâ´talks, never existed. my father being violent, a heavy environment,lack of love, respect, unhealthy environment to raise a child! thatâ´s all coming around"and my sister went: "ana, youâ´re not mad, we lived in thatkind of environment." why did i develop the disease? my father was ill,he was sexual compulsive and what ends up happening when you have a person totallynuts
inside your home?heâ´ll abuse your child! that was what happened to me! and my mompretended that everything was fine, sheâ´d rather pretend, and my mom was always so loving, always nice, and i felt even more guilty i didnâ´t want to say anything to her, shewas my heroine! and then i found out that the abuses themselves were not the problem! the real issue was: i wasnâ´t heard! and theyare not bad people. if you ask: "what about your family?" they are wonderfulpeople! my mom is wonderful. what about your dad?not my dad, but he was disgusting and he didnâ´t hide that from anyone,because some people are phonies, right! he wasnâ´t!
at some time heâ´d have like 8 lovers, and hetold that to my mom! "i have 8 lovers." he was disgusting, people in town didnâ´t like him,except for his patients. to his patients he was wonderful, he did lots of social work, the disabled from "ourinhos" loved him because he created, foundedsome organizations, and helped, he did lots of nice things, but he was mental!and he didnâ´t go to get treatment! and when i was diagnosed, the onlyperson from the family that really got the gravity of the situation was him! they are bad memories, those we acquire during daily life since we are young:"oh, you canâ´t do this, you canâ´t do that, you have to do this", ora childhood or adolescense with parents that
keep fighting each other or with the kid,so that creates memories that get around us, thatâ´s what we call aura,and that sends wave frequencies to the body, and theyâ´re not good.so that blocks our lives, we feel emotions in our bodies like anxiety,sadness, a feeling that we are not from this world. because the motherâ´s nervous system makes the fetuâ´s nervous system, and all the mother has passed on of emotionalinformation is within our nervous system. and then we keep following that throughout life,so if your mom had a hard situation of guilt, fear, anger, a robbery, a kidnap,whatever, or any other
thing, it doesnâ´t have to be so strong like that,it remains in our nervous system and because is within our nervous system, the unconciouss,which is a place that does not have reasoning, thinks that everything that came from the mother is loveand keep searching throughout life to feel that during all the needy moments. so letsâ´put that the mother went through rejection the rejection is within the nervous systemof that person, so he needs to be rejected because he understands that rejection is love. "itâ´s not a sign of health to be well adapted to an ill society" jiddu krishnamurti we live in a society that hasa crazy way of living! iâ´m only the symptom of societycraziness, so the thing that
iâ´m a suicide survivor, i am becausei am conscious of that but now i see those people filling themselves upwith booze, the happy hours, all so socially acceptable they are society practices that harm health, everybody knows they do harm and even so people do them.to me, that is being a suicide. but the guy does not have consciouss, and why?because he has a crazy life to lead going after money, right! and no time!"so, i donâ´t have time to lead a healthy life, so let me alienate hereand keep on the way i can!" i guess people will say you ruined the party. people worry with "having", so having a job,having a car, having a house,
survival, and they donâ´t worry about being:who they are, what their mission in this planet is and also with this lack of worrying about beingalso comes this difficulty of feeling their essence, and even their own body,people donâ´t feel the body, they only worry about the body when they are ill.itâ´s like we are pregnant, carrying other being, and we can withall those therapies, for those who donâ´t like the word therapy because think itâ´s "for the crazies", sothereâ´s coach, right now is popular: life coaching whatever, but you do have the possibilityto give birth to yourself, in another level another being, completely transformed, inpeace, in harmony, which is not guided by fear.
thatâ´s my story. maybe someone can say: "no, i had it, took medication andgot better!" good! but i donâ´t believe in that "getting better" withoutthe inside journey.
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