Breast Cancer Support Group

hello and welcome to at issue.i am h. wayne wilson.there is one word in the english i am h. wayne wilson.there is one word in the englishlanguage that strikes fear there is one word in the englishlanguage that strikes fearregardless of who you are, and language that strikes fearregardless of who you are, andthat word is request "cancer." regardless of who you are, andthat word is request "cancer."we will talk about how to that word is request "cancer."we will talk about how tosurvive cancer, not from the we will talk about how tosurvive cancer, not from themedical perspective, but from survive cancer, not from themedical perspective, but fromthe support mechanism medical perspective, but fromthe support mechanismperspective.

the support mechanismperspective.we have a panel of experience perspective.we have a panel of experiencehere. we have a doctor. we have a panel of experiencehere. we have a doctor.we have a patient. here. we have a doctor.we have a patient.we have some support people. we have a patient.we have some support people.let me introduce them to you. we have some support people.let me introduce them to you.debra disney is joining us. let me introduce them to you.debra disney is joining us.debra is a counselor with the debra disney is joining us.debra is a counselor with thecancer center for healthy debra is a counselor with thecancer center for healthyliving.

cancer center for healthyliving.a facilitator, kids konnected, living.a facilitator, kids konnected,nicole baer. a facilitator, kids konnected,nicole baer.>> five all the way up to 18. nicole baer.>> five all the way up to 18.>>she is with kids konnected. >> five all the way up to 18.>>she is with kids konnected.seated on my left to you are >>she is with kids konnected.seated on my left to you areright is dr. sachdev thomas who seated on my left to you areright is dr. sachdev thomas whois an oncologist with oncology right is dr. sachdev thomas whois an oncologist with oncologyhematology gi hematology is an oncologist with oncologyhematology gi hematologyassociates.

hematology gi hematologyassociates.good to have you here. associates.good to have you here.>>good to be here. good to have you here.>>good to be here.>>laverne o'shea, cancer >>good to be here.>>laverne o'shea, cancersurvivor. >>laverne o'shea, cancersurvivor.the day you are dtionded, you survivor.the day you are dtionded, youare a cancer survivor beginning the day you are dtionded, youare a cancer survivor beginningat that point. are a cancer survivor beginningat that point.you are abreast cancer survivor. at that point.you are abreast cancer survivor.>>correct.

you are abreast cancer survivor.>>correct.>>your daughter is here. >>correct.>>your daughter is here.rosemary, thank you for being >>your daughter is here.rosemary, thank you for beingwith us. rosemary, thank you for beingwith us.rosemary is here because she with us.rosemary is here because sheparticipates in kids konnected. rosemary is here because sheparticipates in kids konnected.we will find out what some of participates in kids konnected.we will find out what some ofyour concerns were, and how kids we will find out what some ofyour concerns were, and how kidskonnected helped you to address your concerns were, and how kidskonnected helped you to addressthose concerns.

konnected helped you to addressthose concerns.lets's start with dr. thomas those concerns.lets's start with dr. thomasfirst. lets's start with dr. thomasfirst.we hear a diagnosis of can serb first.we hear a diagnosis of can serband everybody thinks they know we hear a diagnosis of can serband everybody thinks they knowwhat cancer is. and everybody thinks they knowwhat cancer is.but what is cancer? what cancer is.but what is cancer?>> well, all of us are made of but what is cancer?>> well, all of us are made oftissues and cells. >> well, all of us are made oftissues and cells.under normal development, all

tissues and cells.under normal development, allthe tissues and cells are under normal development, allthe tissues and cells aresupposed to behave in a the tissues and cells aresupposed to behave in acoordinated fashion, they are supposed to behave in acoordinated fashion, they aresupposed to grow in a certain coordinated fashion, they aresupposed to grow in a certainsize, divide a certain number of supposed to grow in a certainsize, divide a certain number oftimes and then stop. size, divide a certain number oftimes and then stop.from then on, everything is times and then stop.from then on, everything isregulated by proteins and from then on, everything isregulated by proteins andcellular impact rate.

regulated by proteins andcellular impact rate.cancer is part of pa process. cellular impact rate.cancer is part of pa process.cancer that loses the ability to cancer is part of pa process.cancer that loses the ability tocontrol itself and becomes cancer that loses the ability tocontrol itself and becomesindependent of the normal control itself and becomesindependent of the normalmechanisms of control around the independent of the normalmechanisms of control around thetissue and then start to grow in mechanisms of control around thetissue and then start to grow inother tissues where it is not tissue and then start to grow inother tissues where it is notsupposed to be, and in the other tissues where it is notsupposed to be, and in theprocess of spread either through

supposed to be, and in theprocess of spread either throughthe blood system or the process of spread either throughthe blood system or thelymphatic system. the blood system or thelymphatic system.the problem with cancer is lymphatic system.the problem with cancer istissue that go beyond their the problem with cancer istissue that go beyond theirboundaries in terms of control tissue that go beyond theirboundaries in terms of controlmechanisms and start to affect boundaries in terms of controlmechanisms and start to affectother other gance and cause mechanisms and start to affectother other gance and causesymptoms. other other gance and causesymptoms.that is the mechanism of cancer

symptoms.that is the mechanism of cancerand the disease. that is the mechanism of cancerand the disease.regardless of kind of can serb and the disease.regardless of kind of can serbthey all have the same basic regardless of kind of can serbthey all have the same basiccharacteristics. they all have the same basiccharacteristics.>>same basic character, at that characteristics.>>same basic character, at thatmakes it differentiated normal >>same basic character, at thatmakes it differentiated normaltissue. makes it differentiated normaltissue.>>le' turn to laverne, abreast tissue.>>le' turn to laverne, abreastcancer survivor.

>>le' turn to laverne, abreastcancer survivor.laverne, when you were first cancer survivor.laverne, when you were firstdiagnosed, when was that and laverne, when you were firstdiagnosed, when was that andwhat was your initial response? diagnosed, when was that andwhat was your initial response?>> my initial response was i what was your initial response?>> my initial response was iwasn't hearing what i was >> my initial response was iwasn't hearing what i washearing! (laughing). wasn't hearing what i washearing! (laughing).>>denial? hearing! (laughing).>>denial?>> yes, i couldn't -- all these >>denial?>> yes, i couldn't -- all thesepeople came walking into the

>> yes, i couldn't -- all thesepeople came walking into theroom, and i had been sitting people came walking into theroom, and i had been sittingthere waiting. room, and i had been sittingthere waiting.i am thinking, "okay, why is there waiting.i am thinking, "okay, why isthis taking so long." i am thinking, "okay, why isthis taking so long."i got to move on. this taking so long."i got to move on.i am late. i got to move on.i am late.i am busy. i am late.i am busy.here come the doctors and nurses i am busy.here come the doctors and nursesand whatnot.

here come the doctors and nursesand whatnot.i couldn't even tell you what and whatnot.i couldn't even tell you whatthey said because i don't i couldn't even tell you whatthey said because i don'tremember. they said because i don'tremember.remember. remember.remember.>>when? remember.>>when?>> october of '06. >>when?>> october of '06.>>a little over a year ago. >> october of '06.>>a little over a year ago.yes. >>a little over a year ago.yes.is that typical debra?

yes.is that typical debra?>> to have that deer in the is that typical debra?>> to have that deer in theheadlights response. >> to have that deer in theheadlights response.yes. headlights response.yes.i think it would be unusual yes.i think it would be unusualperson that would say "oh, i think it would be unusualperson that would say "oh,okay." person that would say "oh,okay.">>no, i just blanked out. okay.">>no, i just blanked out.i was like i am not hearing >>no, i just blanked out.i was like i am not hearingthis.

i was like i am not hearingthis.this isn't right. this.this isn't right.>> do you find yourself having this isn't right.>> do you find yourself havingto repeat yourself many times >> do you find yourself havingto repeat yourself many timesover because of that type of to repeat yourself many timesover because of that type ofreaction. over because of that type ofreaction.>>if i was in the same wation, i reaction.>>if i was in the same wation, iwould probably have the same >>if i was in the same wation, iwould probably have the samesituation. would probably have the samesituation.on though i am a trained

situation.on though i am a trainedphysician. on though i am a trainedphysician.it is overwhelming in the physician.it is overwhelming in thebeginning just to hear that it is overwhelming in thebeginning just to hear thatdiagnosis, and, yeah, a point it beginning just to hear thatdiagnosis, and, yeah, a point itreiterate what i said before. diagnosis, and, yeah, a point itreiterate what i said before.the first meeting i always reiterate what i said before.the first meeting i alwaysconclude by saying, i will go the first meeting i alwaysconclude by saying, i will goover this again. conclude by saying, i will goover this again.you are going to miss something.

over this again.you are going to miss something.if you didn't hear it now, you you are going to miss something.if you didn't hear it now, youwill probably hear it again. if you didn't hear it now, youwill probably hear it again.>>you can handle explaining what will probably hear it again.>>you can handle explaining whatthe cancer is, what the regiment >>you can handle explaining whatthe cancer is, what the regimentwill be for treatment, but do the cancer is, what the regimentwill be for treatment, but doyou also participate in will be for treatment, but doyou also participate insuggesting that they seek you also participate insuggesting that they seeksupport and how important is it suggesting that they seeksupport and how important is itto have support?

support and how important is itto have support?>> very important. to have support?>> very important.patients who actually have >> very important.patients who actually havemechanisms, other family or patients who actually havemechanisms, other family ororganizations in the community mechanisms, other family ororganizations in the communitycertainly do far better than organizations in the communitycertainly do far better thansomeone who dials to deal with certainly do far better thansomeone who dials to deal withhimself or herself. someone who dials to deal withhimself or herself.none of us could do everything himself or herself.none of us could do everythingon my own.

none of us could do everythingon my own.i couldn't fix my car. on my own.i couldn't fix my car.i need somebody to fix the car. i couldn't fix my car.i need somebody to fix the car.and members of the human species i need somebody to fix the car.and members of the human speciesare social animals. and members of the human speciesare social animals.they are programmed that way, are social animals.they are programmed that way,and derrive strength from they are programmed that way,and derrive strength fromrelationships from friends and and derrive strength fromrelationships from friends andcolleagues. relationships from friends andcolleagues.there is no difference in that

colleagues.there is no difference in thatrespect between a cancer patient there is no difference in thatrespect between a cancer patientand another individual. respect between a cancer patientand another individual.>>when you meet with a cancer and another individual.>>when you meet with a cancersurvivor, how do you -- my >>when you meet with a cancersurvivor, how do you -- myassumption is that people are survivor, how do you -- myassumption is that people aregoing to say, "i don't know what assumption is that people aregoing to say, "i don't know whatto say. going to say, "i don't know whatto say.i don't know what to do." to say.i don't know what to do."how do you draw out and give

i don't know what to do."how do you draw out and givethem guidance to oh to do the how do you draw out and givethem guidance to oh to do theright things and seek support? them guidance to oh to do theright things and seek support?>> every situation is very right things and seek support?>> every situation is veryunique. >> every situation is veryunique.sometimes i get involved when unique.sometimes i get involved whenpeople are in the doctor's sometimes i get involved whenpeople are in the doctor'soffice and having a melt down. people are in the doctor'soffice and having a melt down.in a crisis situation, i first office and having a melt down.in a crisis situation, i firstget them to breathe because they

in a crisis situation, i firstget them to breathe because theyoften are for getting that very get them to breathe because theyoften are for getting that verybasic thing, just slow down often are for getting that verybasic thing, just slow downtheir breathing, focus on being basic thing, just slow downtheir breathing, focus on beingin the moment, to not worry their breathing, focus on beingin the moment, to not worryabout the fears and the what in the moment, to not worryabout the fears and the whatif's of the future, just stay in about the fears and the whatif's of the future, just stay inthis moment. if's of the future, just stay inthis moment.but if someone -- sometimes this moment.but if someone -- sometimessomebody will call me out of the

but if someone -- sometimessomebody will call me out of theblue, their doctor didn't refer somebody will call me out of theblue, their doctor didn't referthem. blue, their doctor didn't referthem.they just saw something in the them.they just saw something in thenewspaper or googled cancer and they just saw something in thenewspaper or googled cancer andfound our organization. newspaper or googled cancer andfound our organization.if they call me out of the blue, found our organization.if they call me out of the blue,and they come in and sit down, if they call me out of the blue,and they come in and sit down,and are very calm, we may have a and they come in and sit down,and are very calm, we may have aconversation just about how many

and are very calm, we may have aconversation just about how manychildren they have, just to conversation just about how manychildren they have, just tonormalize the relationship and children they have, just tonormalize the relationship andbuild trust in our relationship. normalize the relationship andbuild trust in our relationship.but usually they want to tell build trust in our relationship.but usually they want to tellthe story. but usually they want to tellthe story.when was i diagnosis? the story.when was i diagnosis?what did the doctor say i needed when was i diagnosis?what did the doctor say i neededto do about that? what did the doctor say i neededto do about that?what is in store for me in the

to do about that?what is in store for me in thenear future? what is in store for me in thenear future?and always on their mind is am i near future?and always on their mind is am igoing to die? and always on their mind is am igoing to die?trying to normalize that from going to die?trying to normalize that fromthe moment that we are born, our trying to normalize that fromthe moment that we are born, ourhealth is temporary. the moment that we are born, ourhealth is temporary.that's an absolute given. health is temporary.that's an absolute given.and to know that you can focus that's an absolute given.and to know that you can focuson the dying part or you can

and to know that you can focuson the dying part or you canfocus on the living part. on the dying part or you canfocus on the living part.and coming to terms with how focus on the living part.and coming to terms with howthis is going to change life, and coming to terms with howthis is going to change life,but just trying to normalize the this is going to change life,but just trying to normalize thesituation. but just trying to normalize thesituation.>> your life changed laverne? situation.>> your life changed laverne?>> oh, absolutely. >> your life changed laverne?>> oh, absolutely.yes. >> oh, absolutely.yes.>>how easily did you make that

yes.>>how easily did you make thattransition and what kinds of >>how easily did you make thattransition and what kinds ofchanges did you see in yourself? transition and what kinds ofchanges did you see in yourself?>> it was kind of hard because i changes did you see in yourself?>> it was kind of hard because ihad -- i went through >> it was kind of hard because ihad -- i went throughchemotherapy first before i had had -- i went throughchemotherapy first before i hadthe tumor removed. chemotherapy first before i hadthe tumor removed.so we kind of did it backwards. the tumor removed.so we kind of did it backwards.in that process of the whole so we kind of did it backwards.in that process of the wholechemotherapy thing, i was sick.

in that process of the wholechemotherapy thing, i was sick.so i really didn't have time to chemotherapy thing, i was sick.so i really didn't have time toreally dwell on it or think so i really didn't have time toreally dwell on it or thinkabout it. really dwell on it or thinkabout it.but once i had the surgery and about it.but once i had the surgery andthe cancer was removed, then -- but once i had the surgery andthe cancer was removed, then --and i was more mobile, then i the cancer was removed, then --and i was more mobile, then ifound myself starting to be and i was more mobile, then ifound myself starting to bestronger and able to -- and i found myself starting to bestronger and able to -- and inever really thought about dying

stronger and able to -- and inever really thought about dyingfrom cancer. never really thought about dyingfrom cancer.that never entered my mind from cancer.that never entered my mindbecause i knew i wasn't going to that never entered my mindbecause i knew i wasn't going todie from cancer. i just knew because i knew i wasn't going todie from cancer. i just knewit. die from cancer. i just knewit.i mean i could later on, but not it.i mean i could later on, but notright now. i mean i could later on, but notright now.so okay, now i am having the right now.so okay, now i am having thechemo brain problem! (laughing).

so okay, now i am having thechemo brain problem! (laughing).let's talk about chemo brain, chemo brain problem! (laughing).let's talk about chemo brain,doctor. let's talk about chemo brain,doctor.chemo brain, i am not familiar doctor.chemo brain, i am not familiarwith the term. chemo brain, i am not familiarwith the term.it is a relatively new with the term.it is a relatively newterminology, relative meaning it is a relatively newterminology, relative meaningthe last few years. terminology, relative meaningthe last few years.a few years ago we probably the last few years.a few years ago we probablydidn't recognize that

a few years ago we probablydidn't recognize thatphenomenon. didn't recognize thatphenomenon.as a matter of fact we would go phenomenon.as a matter of fact we would goto meetings and some people as a matter of fact we would goto meetings and some peoplewould be skeptical such an to meetings and some peoplewould be skeptical such anentity existed. would be skeptical such anentity existed.there are definite neuro changes entity existed.there are definite neuro changesmade after chemotherapy. there are definite neuro changesmade after chemotherapy.we started recognizes these in made after chemotherapy.we started recognizes these inchildhood survivors, hodgkin's

we started recognizes these inchildhood survivors, hodgkin'sdisease, and have seen some of childhood survivors, hodgkin'sdisease, and have seen some ofthe effects, those who have disease, and have seen some ofthe effects, those who havesurvived in the 20's, 30's, and the effects, those who havesurvived in the 20's, 30's, and40's, and that's where we start survived in the 20's, 30's, and40's, and that's where we startto under stand it more. 40's, and that's where we startto under stand it more.we don't know exact lit to under stand it more.we don't know exact litmechanism behind it or what is we don't know exact litmechanism behind it or what isthe physiology that leads to it. mechanism behind it or what isthe physiology that leads to it.there are some similarities to

the physiology that leads to it.there are some similarities tosome other neurological there are some similarities tosome other neurologicaldisorders that occur. some other neurologicaldisorders that occur.for example, rumors, but there disorders that occur.for example, rumors, but thereare differences, too, age, time for example, rumors, but thereare differences, too, age, timeperiod which it occurs, it is are differences, too, age, timeperiod which it occurs, it issomething that needs more work period which it occurs, it issomething that needs more workand research. something that needs more workand research.but it is actually one of the and research.but it is actually one of theoncology people is convinced it

but it is actually one of theoncology people is convinced itis for real. oncology people is convinced itis for real.it is essentially my synapsis is for real.it is essentially my synapsisdidn't quick quite right at that it is essentially my synapsisdidn't quick quite right at thatmoment. didn't quick quite right at thatmoment.>>right. moment.>>right.>>the fact you are much more >>right.>>the fact you are much morelikely to survive cancer today >>the fact you are much morelikely to survive cancer todaythan you were five years ago. likely to survive cancer todaythan you were five years ago.no matter what happens from now

than you were five years ago.no matter what happens from nowon, survival from cancer is no matter what happens from nowon, survival from cancer islikely to go up overtime just on, survival from cancer islikely to go up overtime justbecause of progress being made likely to go up overtime justbecause of progress being madegenerally in medicine or even in because of progress being madegenerally in medicine or even incancer medicine. generally in medicine or even incancer medicine.survivors who actually now have cancer medicine.survivors who actually now haveside effects that are called survivors who actually now haveside effects that are calleddelayed side effects, nausea, side effects that are calleddelayed side effects, nausea,vomiting, hair loss, everybody

delayed side effects, nausea,vomiting, hair loss, everybodyis wear of this. vomiting, hair loss, everybodyis wear of this.this is delayed side effects, is wear of this.this is delayed side effects,chemo brain she referred to. this is delayed side effects,chemo brain she referred to.probably see it more often, and chemo brain she referred to.probably see it more often, andneed to study it and deal with probably see it more often, andneed to study it and deal withit. need to study it and deal withit.we talked a little bit about it.we talked a little bit aboutlaverne's issues of dealing with we talked a little bit aboutlaverne's issues of dealing withthe cancer, but her daughter is

laverne's issues of dealing withthe cancer, but her daughter ishere. the cancer, but her daughter ishere.her daughter had a lot of here.her daughter had a lot ofquestions. her daughter had a lot ofquestions.so i am going to kind of step questions.so i am going to kind of stepaside. so i am going to kind of stepaside.i am going to let nicole -- aside.i am going to let nicole --because nicole and rosemary know i am going to let nicole --because nicole and rosemary knoweach other. because nicole and rosemary knoweach other.what were some of the questions

each other.what were some of the questionsyou had when you found out your what were some of the questionsyou had when you found out yourmom had cancer? you had when you found out yourmom had cancer?>> oh, one of them was what mom had cancer?>> oh, one of them was whatshould i eat when i was around >> oh, one of them was whatshould i eat when i was aroundher. should i eat when i was aroundher.and nicole answered that her.and nicole answered thatquestion that just like keep and nicole answered thatquestion that just like keepeating whatever you are eating question that just like keepeating whatever you are eatingbecause it won't really make

eating whatever you are eatingbecause it won't really makeyour mom feel bad. because it won't really makeyour mom feel bad.>> i think it is important with your mom feel bad.>> i think it is important withthe kids we always try to make >> i think it is important withthe kids we always try to makesure they understand if they the kids we always try to makesure they understand if theyhave questions, like debra said, sure they understand if theyhave questions, like debra said,we want to build the druft with have questions, like debra said,we want to build the druft withthem so they are welcome and we want to build the druft withthem so they are welcome andbrit questions to us. them so they are welcome andbrit questions to us.some of them put a lot of

brit questions to us.some of them put a lot ofthought into their questions and some of them put a lot ofthought into their questions andhave deep questions like what do thought into their questions andhave deep questions like what doi need to eat. have deep questions like what doi need to eat.some want to know why they got i need to eat.some want to know why they gotcancer and why their parent is some want to know why they gotcancer and why their parent isgoing through this. cancer and why their parent isgoing through this.some ask the question, are they going through this.some ask the question, are theygoing to dying. some ask the question, are theygoing to dying.we want to make sure they have

going to dying.we want to make sure they havethose questions answered. we want to make sure they havethose questions answered.as much as people don't think those questions answered.as much as people don't thinkthey pick up on things, children as much as people don't thinkthey pick up on things, childrenknow a lot. they pick up on things, childrenknow a lot.it can come out at school or it know a lot.it can come out at school or itcould come out with their it can come out at school or itcould come out with theirfriends. could come out with theirfriends.it is just a big fear that they friends.it is just a big fear that theyhave, and i think a the love

it is just a big fear that theyhave, and i think a the lovetimes they are afraid to ask have, and i think a the lovetimes they are afraid to asktheir parent who has cancer for times they are afraid to asktheir parent who has cancer forfear that they are going to be their parent who has cancer forfear that they are going to beupset or they are going to get fear that they are going to beupset or they are going to getsick even more if they are upset or they are going to getsick even more if they areworrying about them. sick even more if they areworrying about them.>>for those who are not familiar worrying about them.>>for those who are not familiarwith kids konnected, brief >>for those who are not familiarwith kids konnected, briefdefinition.

with kids konnected, briefdefinition.>>kids konnected is a support definition.>>kids konnected is a supportgroup tore children whose >>kids konnected is a supportgroup tore children whoseparents have cancer or had group tore children whoseparents have cancer or hadcancer. parents have cancer or hadcancer.like rosemary, her mom has cancer.like rosemary, her mom hascancer and is surviving. like rosemary, her mom hascancer and is surviving.we have some friends at kids cancer and is surviving.we have some friends at kidskonnected who have lost their we have some friends at kidskonnected who have lost theirparents to cancer. so it is

konnected who have lost theirparents to cancer. so it iskind of a support group that parents to cancer. so it iskind of a support group thatthey can meet with other kids kind of a support group thatthey can meet with other kidstheir age. so one chance to be they can meet with other kidstheir age. so one chance to bewith kids who know exactly what their age. so one chance to bewith kids who know exactly whatit is to have a parent or a with kids who know exactly whatit is to have a parent or aspecial person, a grandparent or it is to have a parent or aspecial person, a grandparent ora caregiver who has had cancer. special person, a grandparent ora caregiver who has had cancer.they go to school with kids a caregiver who has had cancer.they go to school with kidsevery day who have parents and

they go to school with kidsevery day who have parents andthey are healthy. every day who have parents andthey are healthy.they can come to kids konnected they are healthy.they can come to kids konnectedand know that those kids know they can come to kids konnectedand know that those kids knowhow it is to live with cancer. and know that those kids knowhow it is to live with cancer.>>what kind of things do you do how it is to live with cancer.>>what kind of things do you doat kids konnected? >>what kind of things do you doat kids konnected?>> at kids konnected we do like at kids konnected?>> at kids konnected we do likeactivities about cancer and just >> at kids konnected we do likeactivities about cancer and justplay games and have fun and talk

activities about cancer and justplay games and have fun and talkabout our feelings. play games and have fun and talkabout our feelings.>> so it is not always about about our feelings.>> so it is not always aboutcancer? >> so it is not always aboutcancer?>> no, it is not always about cancer?>> no, it is not always aboutcancer. >> no, it is not always aboutcancer.>>but sometimes you share things cancer.>>but sometimes you share thingswith some other kids? >>but sometimes you share thingswith some other kids?>> yes. with some other kids?>> yes.>>what kinds of things do you

>> yes.>>what kinds of things do youshare? >>what kinds of things do youshare?>> like our feelings and, like, share?>> like our feelings and, like,what happened, like anything >> like our feelings and, like,what happened, like anythinggood happen or bad happen what happened, like anythinggood happen or bad happenbetween from the last time to good happen or bad happenbetween from the last time tonow. between from the last time tonow.>>does that help you to hear now.>>does that help you to hearfrom other kids talking about >>does that help you to hearfrom other kids talking aboutthat.

from other kids talking aboutthat.>>yes. that.>>yes.>>even if it is bad news. >>yes.>>even if it is bad news.uh-huh because it makes fee feel >>even if it is bad news.uh-huh because it makes fee feelkind of good they are getting it uh-huh because it makes fee feelkind of good they are getting itout to other people. kind of good they are getting itout to other people.>>and it helps you to get it out out to other people.>>and it helps you to get it outto other people this. >>and it helps you to get it outto other people this.>>yeah. to other people this.>>yeah.>>do you talk about different

>>yeah.>>do you talk about differentkinds of things with your ten >>do you talk about differentkinds of things with your tenyear old friends than you would kinds of things with your tenyear old friends than you wouldtalk about with your mother? year old friends than you wouldtalk about with your mother?>> um, sometimes and sometimes talk about with your mother?>> um, sometimes and sometimesnot really. >> um, sometimes and sometimesnot really.>>but you are not going to tell not really.>>but you are not going to tellyour mom what you talked about >>but you are not going to tellyour mom what you talked aboutwith those kids? your mom what you talked aboutwith those kids?>> no (laughing).

with those kids?>> no (laughing).>>i can't ask that question, can >> no (laughing).>>i can't ask that question, cani? >>i can't ask that question, cani?>> we certainly want them to i?>> we certainly want them toknow, if they want to ask us >> we certainly want them toknow, if they want to ask ussomething, that they are afraid know, if they want to ask ussomething, that they are afraidto ask mom or afraid to ask dad, something, that they are afraidto ask mom or afraid to ask dad,they can trust us to know. to ask mom or afraid to ask dad,they can trust us to know.if they don't want mom or dad to they can trust us to know.if they don't want mom or dad toknow, that's something that they

if they don't want mom or dad toknow, that's something that theyshare with us. know, that's something that theyshare with us.>>with debra, and with nicole, share with us.>>with debra, and with nicole,either adults or children, how >>with debra, and with nicole,either adults or children, howdo you deal with -- a support either adults or children, howdo you deal with -- a supportgroup ask a positive thing, and do you deal with -- a supportgroup ask a positive thing, andthen someone in the support group ask a positive thing, andthen someone in the supportgroup or a parent of someone in then someone in the supportgroup or a parent of someone inkids konnected passes away group or a parent of someone inkids konnected passes awaybecause of cancer.

kids konnected passes awaybecause of cancer.how do you cope with that? because of cancer.how do you cope with that?>> we actually had that occur how do you cope with that?>> we actually had that occurjust a couple of weeks ago. >> we actually had that occurjust a couple of weeks ago.one of our long-term group just a couple of weeks ago.one of our long-term groupmembers died, and at time of one of our long-term groupmembers died, and at time ofcrisis, people need people. members died, and at time ofcrisis, people need people.the support group goes to the crisis, people need people.the support group goes to thevisitation together. the support group goes to thevisitation together.we take some time during the

visitation together.we take some time during thenext group after that person has we take some time during thenext group after that person hasdied to talk about what we next group after that person hasdied to talk about what weremember about that group member died to talk about what weremember about that group membermember. remember about that group membermember.the spouse or the caregiver member.the spouse or the caregiverwhoever was coming to the group the spouse or the caregiverwhoever was coming to the groupwith the person who died comes whoever was coming to the groupwith the person who died comesback and makes the connections with the person who died comesback and makes the connectionsalso.

back and makes the connectionsalso.it becomes -- it is a very sad also.it becomes -- it is a very sadpart of the group, but even in it becomes -- it is a very sadpart of the group, but even inthe midst of the grief, they are part of the group, but even inthe midst of the grief, they arestill connected to one another. the midst of the grief, they arestill connected to one another.>>here is a chemo moment! still connected to one another.>>here is a chemo moment!(laughing) got to get used to >>here is a chemo moment!(laughing) got to get used tothis. (laughing) got to get used tothis.>>by osmosis! this.>>by osmosis!>>do you find yourself sharing

>>by osmosis!>>do you find yourself sharingwith a new group of people now? >>do you find yourself sharingwith a new group of people now?>> yes -- i think. with a new group of people now?>> yes -- i think.because of your support group? >> yes -- i think.because of your support group?>> yes, i think that i found because of your support group?>> yes, i think that i foundthat i have a huge support >> yes, i think that i foundthat i have a huge supportgroup, and that i can turn to that i have a huge supportgroup, and that i can turn topeople without any hesitation group, and that i can turn topeople without any hesitationany more. people without any hesitationany more.you know, i need something, i

any more.you know, i need something, iknow where to go. you know, i need something, iknow where to go.i know what i need or what i know where to go.i know what i need or what iwant. i know what i need or what iwant.there are so many other people want.there are so many other peoplewith cancer that i didn't know there are so many other peoplewith cancer that i didn't knowhad cancer. with cancer that i didn't knowhad cancer.we are able to share. had cancer.we are able to share.one thing with kids konnected we are able to share.one thing with kids konnectedthat i wanted to say is that

one thing with kids konnectedthat i wanted to say is thatwhen i got diagnosed with that i wanted to say is thatwhen i got diagnosed withcancer, one of my first when i got diagnosed withcancer, one of my firstinstincts -- i have five cancer, one of my firstinstincts -- i have fivechildren -- one of my first instincts -- i have fivechildren -- one of my firstinstincts was i need help with children -- one of my firstinstincts was i need help withthe kids. instincts was i need help withthe kids.i need counseling because what the kids.i need counseling because whatif, you know, let's be i need counseling because whatif, you know, let's berealistic.

if, you know, let's berealistic.once i gathered my thoughts and realistic.once i gathered my thoughts andeverything, they need once i gathered my thoughts andeverything, they needcounseling. everything, they needcounseling.they need a place to turn. counseling.they need a place to turn.so one of the nurses out at osf they need a place to turn.so one of the nurses out at osfis the one who gave me the so one of the nurses out at osfis the one who gave me theinformation on kids konnected. is the one who gave me theinformation on kids konnected.that's how we got started, and i information on kids konnected.that's how we got started, and itook most of my children to --

that's how we got started, and itook most of my children to --because i have older children, took most of my children to --because i have older children,too, to the first meeting and my because i have older children,too, to the first meeting and mymother. too, to the first meeting and mymother.she happened to be here. mother.she happened to be here.she lives in new mexico. she happened to be here.she lives in new mexico.she happened to be visiting at she lives in new mexico.she happened to be visiting atthat time. she happened to be visiting atthat time.that's how we got started. that time.that's how we got started.>> when you look to friends or

that's how we got started.>> when you look to friends orother cancer survivors for >> when you look to friends orother cancer survivors forsupport, do you tend not to call other cancer survivors forsupport, do you tend not to callupon them? support, do you tend not to callupon them?let me preface by saying that upon them?let me preface by saying thatwhen someone comes up they let me preface by saying thatwhen someone comes up theynotify me they have now have when someone comes up theynotify me they have now havecancer, quite frankly i don't notify me they have now havecancer, quite frankly i don'tknow what to say. cancer, quite frankly i don'tknow what to say.i have no idea what to say.

know what to say.i have no idea what to say.i end up, you know, in some i have no idea what to say.i end up, you know, in someuncomfortable manner saying, "if i end up, you know, in someuncomfortable manner saying, "ifyou ever need anything, don't uncomfortable manner saying, "ifyou ever need anything, don'thesitate to call." you ever need anything, don'thesitate to call."they never called. hesitate to call."they never called.>>right. they never called.>>right.>>why is that? >>right.>>why is that?>> because we think we can do it >>why is that?>> because we think we can do itby ourselves.

>> because we think we can do itby ourselves.because we are not used to by ourselves.because we are not used tohaving to ask for that help. because we are not used tohaving to ask for that help.and a friend of mine set me having to ask for that help.and a friend of mine set mestraight one day and said, and a friend of mine set mestraight one day and said,"laverne, you know what, these straight one day and said,"laverne, you know what, thesepeople want to do this for you. "laverne, you know what, thesepeople want to do this for you.let them help you. people want to do this for you.let them help you.you have always been on the let them help you.you have always been on theother end."

you have always been on theother end."i was always on the helping end, other end."i was always on the helping end,helping somebody out, not i was always on the helping end,helping somebody out, nothelping me. helping somebody out, nothelping me.because i have always been helping me.because i have always beeninvolved with relay for life and because i have always beeninvolved with relay for life andst. jude's. involved with relay for life andst. jude's.i wasn't used to being on the st. jude's.i wasn't used to being on theother side of this. i wasn't used to being on theother side of this.>>you are shaking your head, in

other side of this.>>you are shaking your head, inagreement? >>you are shaking your head, inagreement?>> i absolutely agree, yes. agreement?>> i absolutely agree, yes.to respond to your question, >> i absolutely agree, yes.to respond to your question,what do you say when somebody to respond to your question,what do you say when somebodytells you "i was just diagnosed what do you say when somebodytells you "i was just diagnosedwith cancer." tells you "i was just diagnosedwith cancer."the first thing empathize, this with cancer."the first thing empathize, thisis difficult. the first thing empathize, thisis difficult.sometimes tell me what i can do

is difficult.sometimes tell me what i can doto help, but this is very sometimes tell me what i can doto help, but this is verydifficult. to help, but this is verydifficult.i honestly don't know how much difficult.i honestly don't know how muchmuch about it. i honestly don't know how muchmuch about it.but there are people that can much about it.but there are people that canhelp you and don't hesitate to but there are people that canhelp you and don't hesitate toreach out for that help. help you and don't hesitate toreach out for that help.there is a lot of help, and reach out for that help.there is a lot of help, andthere truly is.

there is a lot of help, andthere truly is.it comes in various forms. there truly is.it comes in various forms.>>so it might be best for me to it comes in various forms.>>so it might be best for me tosay, "are you aware of kids >>so it might be best for me tosay, "are you aware of kidskonnected? say, "are you aware of kidskonnected?are you aware of cancer center konnected?are you aware of cancer centerfor healthy living". are you aware of cancer centerfor healthy living".>>absolutely. for healthy living".>>absolutely.>>i didn't give you a chance to >>absolutely.>>i didn't give you a chance torespond to the question earlier

>>i didn't give you a chance torespond to the question earlierabout when you lose somebody. respond to the question earlierabout when you lose somebody.>> i have had that happen at about when you lose somebody.>> i have had that happen atkids konnected before. >> i have had that happen atkids konnected before.we had in one night, we had two kids konnected before.we had in one night, we had twogroups come back in of siblings we had in one night, we had twogroups come back in of siblingsthat came in, and they had both groups come back in of siblingsthat came in, and they had bothloved their lofted one n one that came in, and they had bothloved their lofted one n onecase it was a mother, and in loved their lofted one n onecase it was a mother, and inanother case it was an aunt.

case it was a mother, and inanother case it was an aunt.it is hard in those situations another case it was an aunt.it is hard in those situationstoo, we deal with rosemary who it is hard in those situationstoo, we deal with rosemary whowas going through treatment. too, we deal with rosemary whowas going through treatment.i think we have to be cognizant was going through treatment.i think we have to be cognizantof the people who lost somebody, i think we have to be cognizantof the people who lost somebody,but also that did that put fear of the people who lost somebody,but also that did that put fearin rosemary because her mom was but also that did that put fearin rosemary because her mom wasgoing through treatment. in rosemary because her mom wasgoing through treatment.we have to look at it from both

going through treatment.we have to look at it from bothends. we have to look at it from bothends.with kids, you have to assess ends.with kids, you have to assesshow they are reacting to that, with kids, you have to assesshow they are reacting to that,and definitely it was something how they are reacting to that,and definitely it was somethingi am sure it was a hard night and definitely it was somethingi am sure it was a hard nightfor all of us because the kids i am sure it was a hard nightfor all of us because the kidswere upset. for all of us because the kidswere upset.we also wanted to make sure were upset.we also wanted to make surerosemary -- rosemary is a great

we also wanted to make surerosemary -- rosemary is a greatkid, and she was also very rosemary -- rosemary is a greatkid, and she was also veryhelpful to those kids. kid, and she was also veryhelpful to those kids.you let them know you are there, helpful to those kids.you let them know you are there,and once again, we kind of talk. you let them know you are there,and once again, we kind of talk.how did you feel you found out a and once again, we kind of talk.how did you feel you found out aparent of one of your friends at how did you feel you found out aparent of one of your friends atkids konnected had passed away? parent of one of your friends atkids konnected had passed away?>> like sad because, like, you kids konnected had passed away?>> like sad because, like, youwouldn't really know that it

>> like sad because, like, youwouldn't really know that ithappened kind of before if you wouldn't really know that ithappened kind of before if youreally didn't think about it. happened kind of before if youreally didn't think about it.>> do you ever worry about your really didn't think about it.>> do you ever worry about yourmom maybe dying? >> do you ever worry about yourmom maybe dying?>> sometimes, yeah. mom maybe dying?>> sometimes, yeah.>>i think that's something we >> sometimes, yeah.>>i think that's something wetry to work with the kids. >>i think that's something wetry to work with the kids.if they do have those questions. try to work with the kids.if they do have those questions.you know, there are days maybe

if they do have those questions.you know, there are days mayberosemary doesn't want to talk you know, there are days mayberosemary doesn't want to talkwith the other kids in the room rosemary doesn't want to talkwith the other kids in the roomor she has a question she wants with the other kids in the roomor she has a question she wantsto ask us one-on-one, we will go or she has a question she wantsto ask us one-on-one, we will gooff and do that. to ask us one-on-one, we will gooff and do that.we want to make sure their off and do that.we want to make sure theirquestions are being answered. we want to make sure theirquestions are being answered.good days and bad days? questions are being answered.good days and bad days?>> good days and bad days.

good days and bad days?>> good days and bad days.i want to pick up on what >> good days and bad days.i want to pick up on whatrosemary said, that having a i want to pick up on whatrosemary said, that having asense of sadness, there is rosemary said, that having asense of sadness, there issomething empowering, you have sense of sadness, there issomething empowering, you haveto realize this is a common something empowering, you haveto realize this is a commonexperience to have sadness. to realize this is a commonexperience to have sadness.it is not just happening to me. experience to have sadness.it is not just happening to me.these side effects are not just it is not just happening to me.these side effects are not justhappening to me. i am not only

these side effects are not justhappening to me. i am not onlyone worrying about what will happening to me. i am not onlyone worrying about what willhappen to me in the future. one worrying about what willhappen to me in the future.there is some strength and happen to me in the future.there is some strength andempowerment we feel, well, i there is some strength andempowerment we feel, well, ihate to use the word "normal." empowerment we feel, well, ihate to use the word "normal."i think that gives us strength, hate to use the word "normal."i think that gives us strength,this is a common human i think that gives us strength,this is a common humanexperience, in that other people this is a common humanexperience, in that other peoplehave experienced it.

experience, in that other peoplehave experienced it.this is not unusual. have experienced it.this is not unusual.to some extent that helps. this is not unusual.to some extent that helps.>>if i may, i completely agree to some extent that helps.>>if i may, i completely agreewith dr. thomas. >>if i may, i completely agreewith dr. thomas.i think when people -- i use the with dr. thomas.i think when people -- i use theword normalize often. i think when people -- i use theword normalize often.a lot of people when they come word normalize often.a lot of people when they cometo group and realize for the a lot of people when they cometo group and realize for thefirst time that other people

to group and realize for thefirst time that other peoplehave had the same worries, the first time that other peoplehave had the same worries, thesame concerns or the same joys have had the same worries, thesame concerns or the same joyseven, you had said earlier that same concerns or the same joyseven, you had said earlier thatcancer was kind of the blessing even, you had said earlier thatcancer was kind of the blessingin disguise, and some people at cancer was kind of the blessingin disguise, and some people atfirst when they think that, in disguise, and some people atfirst when they think that,"well, maybe i am weird." first when they think that,"well, maybe i am weird."but when they find out other "well, maybe i am weird."but when they find out otherpeople have had the same

but when they find out otherpeople have had the sameexperience, it is such an people have had the sameexperience, it is such anempowering feeling to know you experience, it is such anempowering feeling to know youare not weird, you henson empowering feeling to know youare not weird, you hensonrobinson not isolated, or you are not weird, you hensonrobinson not isolated, or youare not alone. robinson not isolated, or youare not alone.>>i think that, too, with kids. are not alone.>>i think that, too, with kids.my father was a cancer survivor >>i think that, too, with kids.my father was a cancer survivorthat's something i share with my father was a cancer survivorthat's something i share withthem.

that's something i share withthem.even as adult child, it was so them.even as adult child, it was soscary for me. even as adult child, it was soscary for me.i still had questions. scary for me.i still had questions.i always want them to know that i still had questions.i always want them to know thatso they zini as somebody on the i always want them to know thatso they zini as somebody on thesame playing field with them. so they zini as somebody on thesame playing field with them.>>debra mentioned, i believe you same playing field with them.>>debra mentioned, i believe youwere referring to something >>debra mentioned, i believe youwere referring to somethingbefore we did the taping, you

were referring to somethingbefore we did the taping, youwere talking about a change in. before we did the taping, youwere talking about a change in.>>paradigm shift. were talking about a change in.>>paradigm shift.>>paradigm shift. >>paradigm shift.>>paradigm shift.using the term, chemo brain, >>paradigm shift.using the term, chemo brain,paradigm shift. using the term, chemo brain,paradigm shift.what kind of paradigm shift paradigm shift.what kind of paradigm shiftoccurred for you? what kind of paradigm shiftoccurred for you?>> first of all, i was very occurred for you?>> first of all, i was veryangry that i had cancer.

>> first of all, i was veryangry that i had cancer.i didn't have time for it. angry that i had cancer.i didn't have time for it.it was, you know, cancer is i didn't have time for it.it was, you know, cancer isnever a good time. it was, you know, cancer isnever a good time.>>disrupped your life routine? never a good time.>>disrupped your life routine?>> yes, it did. >>disrupped your life routine?>> yes, it did.it wasn't supposed to happen. >> yes, it did.it wasn't supposed to happen.there were things i had to get it wasn't supposed to happen.there were things i had to getdone, and places to go, and it there were things i had to getdone, and places to go, and itstopped me.

done, and places to go, and itstopped me.going throughout chemo and stopped me.going throughout chemo andeverything, i felt very helpless going throughout chemo andeverything, i felt very helplessbecause i couldn't do a lost everything, i felt very helplessbecause i couldn't do a lostthings, but i would still -- because i couldn't do a lostthings, but i would still --people didn't perceive me as things, but i would still --people didn't perceive me asbeing sick because i continued people didn't perceive me asbeing sick because i continuedon. being sick because i continuedon.that's what another friend of on.that's what another friend ofmine had said "well, laverne

that's what another friend ofmine had said "well, lavernethey don't realize how sick you mine had said "well, lavernethey don't realize how sick youare because you don't let them they don't realize how sick youare because you don't let themsee that side of you." are because you don't let themsee that side of you.">>it was attitude thing? see that side of you.">>it was attitude thing?>> probably, yeah. >>it was attitude thing?>> probably, yeah.>>is there a lot to be said, >> probably, yeah.>>is there a lot to be said,doctor, for the attitude of a >>is there a lot to be said,doctor, for the attitude of apatient? doctor, for the attitude of apatient?>> i think so, yes.

patient?>> i think so, yes.you derrive from your own >> i think so, yes.you derrive from your ownstrength and the strength lent you derrive from your ownstrength and the strength lentto you and your friends and strength and the strength lentto you and your friends andfamily. to you and your friends andfamily.to some extent, yes. family.to some extent, yes.the coping mechanisms play a big to some extent, yes.the coping mechanisms play a bigrole how you deal with the the coping mechanisms play a bigrole how you deal with thediagnosis after that. role how you deal with thediagnosis after that.>>let me remind everybody how

diagnosis after that.>>let me remind everybody howyou can get ahold of kids >>let me remind everybody howyou can get ahold of kidskonnected and cancer center for you can get ahold of kidskonnected and cancer center forhealthy living. konnected and cancer center forhealthy living.you have a web site. healthy living.you have a web site.>>we do have a web site, and you you have a web site.>>we do have a web site, and youcan access it through the cancer >>we do have a web site, and youcan access it through the cancercenter for healthy living or by can access it through the cancercenter for healthy living or bycontacting the health education center for healthy living or bycontacting the health educationcenter. that's where we meet

contacting the health educationcenter. that's where we meetthe first and third monday's of center. that's where we meetthe first and third monday's ofthe month. the first and third monday's ofthe month.>>cancer center for healthy the month.>>cancer center for healthyliving located in the same >>cancer center for healthyliving located in the samebuilding. living located in the samebuilding.>>yes, on knoxville next to building.>>yes, on knoxville next toproctor hospital. >>yes, on knoxville next toproctor hospital.>>building with the red apple? proctor hospital.>>building with the red apple?>> yes (laughing).

>>building with the red apple?>> yes (laughing).>>you can't miss it. >> yes (laughing).>>you can't miss it.it is the health education >>you can't miss it.it is the health educationcenter. it is the health educationcenter.www.ccho? center.www.ccho?>> cchl peoria.org. www.ccho?>> cchl peoria.org.and there is information about >> cchl peoria.org.and there is information aboutall of the programs we offer are and there is information aboutall of the programs we offer arebut then also also a resources all of the programs we offer arebut then also also a resourcespage with links to kids

but then also also a resourcespage with links to kidskonnected, american cancer page with links to kidskonnected, american cancersociety, a wonderful source of konnected, american cancersociety, a wonderful source ofinformation in the community, society, a wonderful source ofinformation in the community,and variety of other information in the community,and variety of otherorganizations on a national and variety of otherorganizations on a nationallevel. organizations on a nationallevel.>>thank you so much for being level.>>thank you so much for beingwith us,. >>thank you so much for beingwith us,.>> debbie: of cancer center for

with us,.>> debbie: of cancer center forhealthy living, nicole baer of >> debbie: of cancer center forhealthy living, nicole baer ofkids konnected, dr. sachdev healthy living, nicole baer ofkids konnected, dr. sachdevthomas of oncology hematology kids konnected, dr. sachdevthomas of oncology hematologyassociates, and laverne and thomas of oncology hematologyassociates, and laverne androsemary o'shea. associates, and laverne androsemary o'shea.thank you so much for being with rosemary o'shea.thank you so much for being withus. thank you so much for being withus.best of luck in your continued us.best of luck in your continuedsurviving with breast cancer.

best of luck in your continuedsurviving with breast cancer.we thank you for joining us. surviving with breast cancer.we thank you for joining us.we hope that this has been we thank you for joining us.we hope that this has beenenlightening for you. we hope we hope that this has beenenlightening for you. we hopeyou enjoy the remainder of the enlightening for you. we hopeyou enjoy the remainder of theholiday season. we welcome you you enjoy the remainder of theholiday season. we welcome youto join us again at the start of holiday season. we welcome youto join us again at the start ofa new year for more at issue to join us again at the start ofa new year for more at issuehere on channel 47. a new year for more at issuehere on channel 47.>>