Breast Cancer Store

>> i think i thought, well gee, it's done. yeah, i mean, i was excited that it was over. great, we're done with chemo. i had no idea what was ahead. >> just because you're not hooked up to the iv or just because you're not getting

that radiation doesn't mean that everything is back to normal. >> i think people expect when the treatment is over that you are going to be fine and it's over with and you can put it out of your mind

and you just put it in the back of your mind and it's over with and it isn't. >> maybe outwardly, i was back to normal, but inwardly i'm completely different. i am really a very different person and i look

at things very differently. >> there is one thing common to all survivors of breast cancer, for a while, life is about learning to cope with the challenges of recovery. this program is about breast cancer survivors who are coping

with these challenges actively by getting information, taking action, seeking support and changing the way they think. it's about their expectations, their struggles, and how they are working to reclaim their lives. it's a program about women

who are moving beyond cancer. [ music ] >> after cancer, it takes time for the body to recover fully especially strength and energy. paulette saddler was diagnosed at 38. her treatment including a

lumpectomy and chemotherapy had physical consequences she had not expected. >> well, when the treatment was over, i can honestly say, i was a wreck because i had a lot of complications. so, when i was finished,

i was really physically exhausted and i think probably like most women who are going through this, you try to keep the rest of your life going at the same time. so, you may have a husband or relationship, children,

you try at least superficially keep those things going, but it takes a lot out of you. people think, oh, your treatment is over, let's just get back in the car, do that 60-hour work week, bake those cookies, do that laundry,

vacuum that rug, and that's not happening. i mean, it's really not and i think a lot of women probably do themselves more harm than good by setting that up as an expectation that they can't possibly live up to.

>> like most women, recovering from breast cancer paulette learned it helps to have a realistic set of expectations about the post-treatment period. dr. susan love, a breast surgeon who's cared for thousands

of recovering women agrees. >> i think that one of the expectations that women have and it's a doctor's fault in part because we give them this expectation is that as soon as the treatments are over, they are going

to feel perfectly normal and it just isn't true. it takes a long time to get back to normal. one of my patients told me it takes as long to get back to normal as it did to get the treatments, so that means, six months,

sometimes even a year to start feeling totally like yourself again. one thing that's really important is if you're tired, rest, take a nap, you know, don't try to be superwoman. >> i think it is very important for women to learn

that it's okay to ask for help. you can't do the level of activities that you did before. i was very fortunate that time i had someone coming in my house to help me take care of my daughter and she did the laundry

and a lot of the really heavy housework, but i had neighbors who would shop for me, my mother-in-law shopped. my husband pitched in whenever he could, so i think it's really important to mobilize your troops and i think you should look

at it that way and not look at it as a sign of weakness. >> paulette's decision to acknowledge her physical limitations and get the help she needed is an example of one type of approach-oriented coping dealing with her problem

by taking direct action. bea kent, a widowed 72-year old cancer survivor grappled with her own challenges after treatment. her treatment included a lumpectomy, radiation therapy, and tamoxifen. she suffered from lymphedema

or swelling of the arm, a common post-treatment condition. >> yes, i noticed that my left arm because it was my left side that was affected was becoming swollen. i got on the internet

and i really wanted to find out more about this because this was something that we had not discussed when i originally had my diagnosis. and i found that there were two doctors in australia

who had written a 100-page book and put it on the internet and i accessed it and printed it out. >> being an active participant can be important during treatment and can be even more important once treatment is over.

at the age of 37, lori plager underwent a lumpectomy, chemotherapy, and radiation. now, moving in to her post-treatment phase, she's taking tamoxifen. >> what's different about me physically is i have a

scar on my breast, on my right breast and it's pretty faint and i have three little tiny dots, which are tattoos from the radiation, and my hair is initially, when somebody says to you, gee, you're going

to take the medication where you're going to lose all of your hair, every hair on your body and we may have to cut off your breast and the chemotherapy is going to cause you to be infertile, most likely, you think,

what do i have left. your femininity is really tied to your breasts and your reproductive organs and your hair. i mean, those are really what mark somebody as a female. >> lori's treatment affected more than just the outward signs

of her femininity. it also caused her period to stop for several months, threatening her ability to have children. >> family is very important to me. i mean, i've always wanted to have my own family that's

probably because i have warm loving family. my sister has two children, two boys. that's part of the dream that you put together for yourself when you're a little girl. >> fertility is a real issue

for women who are taking chemotherapy and part of the problem is that in the past, doctors didn't even talk about it, they just gave you the chemo and then afterwards when you were infertile, they say, oops, well,

you're lucky to be alive and it wasn't an issue that was talked about ahead of time. what tends to happen is if you are close to menopause, if you're within ten years of when you would have your natural menopause,

then the chemotherapy will push you over. if you are further from menopause, let's say you're 30, 35 and really then you'll often will get your period back again. and if you get your period back again, then you're

still fertile. >> i think that was one of the hardest parts of my whole treatment. i couldn't believe that i wasn't going to get my period again. in march of the following year, i got my period again

and it was a year after i had started treatment and i've gotten it regularly since then. and my doctors are amazed, but you know, it's good to beat the odds in a positive way. >> like many survivors,

52-year old bonnie levin learned that recovering emotionally from breast cancer goes hand in hand with recovering physically, yet some women find their emotions can take them by surprise. >> i thought

after chemo this is great, we're done and i didn't expect-- i just started getting very depressed. i didn't want to get out of bed. i think i was just frightened. before treatment, you get different diagnoses and prognoses

and they are more concrete. after treatment, you're just left with this feeling that you're very vulnerable. you can't count on anything. >> some women may be surprised to feel anxious or depressed when they complete

their treatments. >> what happens to women very often is while they're in the middle of treatment, they are very focused on getting through the treatment, they are seeing doctors every day, something is happening

every day that's working to get rid of the cancer. and when the treatment is over, there is this feeling like oh my god, nothing is happening. what's, you know, it's all going to, it's all going

to come back again. what's keeping it from coming back and it can be really a devastating feeling. >> i think my biggest fear was that they didn't get it all, you know, you go through all of these and especially

when you're doing the radiation and they do these treatment planning sessions with you and you get special x-rays and special cat scans and they are trying to get every part of the involved field and yet at the same time,

not impact your lung too severely. >> you know, after treatment, the other thing is every little ache and pain i was afraid of cancer. there's a heightened awareness for doctors as well as for myself

to check everything and make sure-- not to trust anything as if, if you'd not had this problem or been healthy, the aches and ache and you are more relaxed about examining it. that's not true anymore. >> it's pretty frightening

in the beginning. you're not getting a lot of people asking you how you are and they think you're just, you're done with it and inside you wanted to say, i'm not done with this. i'm never going to be done with this and the question then

is how do you pick up the pieces and move forward. >> like many women, bea found herself missing the routine and security of treatment. >> when i was first diagnosed i felt it was my job to go down for radiation.

i was doing a job to help myself improve and when that was all over with was when i felt depressed. i'm a math resource teacher and i felt that was a very important thing in my life and so, i often thought about it and realized

that was something that i really had to do to give my life a meaning. with thinking about my mortality that i felt that that was important for me to leave a mark on children, people. >> sometimes coping actively

involves changing your reactions to a situation rather than trying to change the situation itself. >> i was feeling incredibly stressed. i was taking some anti-anxiety pills. i could not sleep at night.

i didn't want to do that. i wanted to learn how i myself could learn how to calm down. i did not want to rely on pills or any of that. i started getting into meditation. this was something i needed to do and i feel my life is

fuller because of it. my inner, my mental, my emotional life is fuller. instead of running away from these feelings, actively trying to deal with them, and try though not to let this disease become my life.

i mean, it's been a balance in trying to become comfortable and deal with it and yet still very much have a full life that has nothing to do with cancer. it's now an extra part of who i am, but i don't want to be all of who i am.

>> throughout the emotional ups and downs, support groups can be an essential part of a post-treatment coping strategy. the right support group can make a big difference. >> when you're first diagnosed, your family is all around

and everybody is hovering and your friends, but that doesn't last very long. and there are a lot of things that you don't want to share with them that you're afraid to share with them. whereas, when you sit with women who have been

through the same thing as you at different stages and you can share and they can say, oh yeah, i felt that way too, and this is what i did about it or this is what happened to me. it's so powerful and it's so strong it could be much

stronger than what your family can do for you. >> at this monthly support group of african-american women, experiences, stories, information and emotions are shared openly. >> the doctors are good, but the group, you know,

when it comes to your emotions, this is where i deal with my emotions. >> yes, yes, >> when my emotions are being threatened, i come here. >> yes. >> and you know, get the prayer and the strength

from the other ladies in the group. >> so, i kind of remember when i first came that first meeting and i told marty [assumed spelling], i want to sit in and meet with a bunch of women missing their parts

and that's where my emotions were, okay. and i was like, oh no honey, i'm in denial, you know, sure they said this, but i am not dealing with this on sub-- i mean, i was really feisty that first meeting.

they laughed at me. i'm telling them, i am not having it. >> i am under the believe if you try to look good, you feel better. so, you have to do certain things for yourself to do that, otherwise, you're going

to have more bad days than good days. empower yourself, do what you can, otherwise, you will, you will get depressed, and some days you're just going to get depressed and it's okay. you know, some days,

i say i have these chemo moments, i forget or you know i'm feeling good one moment and then i feel like going off the next, that's all because it changes your body. it just turns your body upside down virtually, so but the things again

that you can take control over, do that. >> the time after treatment can bring changes in relationships especially intimate relationships. >> the way that women deal with breast cancer both

from a femininity, sexuality sense of yourself and your body issue is very variable. there is no question that it has an effect. now, in some women, it has an effect, oh, i don't feel

like a woman anymore and they really don't feel capable of being sexually active or being attractive anymore and it really has an enormous dampening of that. other women may feel i think that whether you're in a heterosexual relationship

or whether you're a lesbian, it doesn't really make a whole lot of difference whether you're old or young. it really has a profound effect of how you feel about your body as well as your sexuality. >> i didn't know, you know, how am i going to go

out on a date. am i able to go out on a date when i, you know, have no hair? do i tell the person that i have cancer, do i tell them that this isn't really my hair or do i not try to cover that up and just you know, wear a hat

and say, this is the way it is right now and who's going to want to go out with somebody who has cancer. they don't know what the right questions are to ask you, are you going to live. steve, it's lori. what are you doing?

>> like many post-treatment women, lori found that approaching this issue by taking steps to feel more attractive and self confident help recreate a positive body image. >> i did several things in order to sort of make myself feel

better and look better. i always knew that if i got dressed and put on make-up, and wash my scalp that i would feel better about myself and i did it every morning. and i think that that was a good thing,

just trying to draw on eyebrows, you know, maybe a 20-minute procedure, but it made me feel better and you know, having sort of the right hat with my outfit will just, you know-- i wanted to still be attractive and i think

that that's important and that's life affirming. >> i was into my sexuality. i miss my other side being gone because it was like you know, i mean, i just enjoyed myself, but in missing it, it's been hard for me. i think sometime i feel

incomplete even though i'm very much whole, you know, so i go through a lot of changes with it. i'm a little inhibited when it comes to the opposite sex. i'm okay as long as they don't touch me.

i have had a few encounters and there were no reencounters in a way of being close to someone and i always thought, gosh, did he know i had, you know, did i have that and then you go through the thing, do i tell or don't i.

>> slowly over the next several months, as my estrogen level build back up, i started to feel more like a working piece of equipment and more like a human being again. then, i did, you know have more of the normal sex drive

and that was great because it really helped me feel more alive to be able to express that after all those months of just sort of in the desert, if you know what i mean. >> there's no question that the most powerful antidote to sexuality,

femininity problems is a loving partner, but not all of us have that and it can be difficult if you don't, if you're single, if you're not currently in a relationship, it can be very hard. that counseling can help, support groups can help,

and talking. >> it tests the relationships you have and it shows you the people who will stick by you and you learn to appreciate the relationships that you may have taken for granted. you learn to appreciate the,

you know, i mean, my sister has always been there, so i just kind of took her for granted, i guess, but now i don't. >> if you imagine that the experience of illness and recovery can give them a new perspective on life and

yet often that's exactly what happens. >> sometimes i think we ask ourselves why did this happen to me, why did i have to go through this and maybe i had to go through what i went through to get to where i am now,

to get to the point where i could mentally be more open to other options. before i was diagnosed i was a practicing internist, but after i went through this process and i began to see that it wasn't just the medicine that got me through,

it was so many other things. so, i started reading other things and i started really getting into how did i want to use my medical knowledge and one day, i think i was just sort of driving along and it hit me, i could study acupuncture.

>> i think what worked for me was to get involved in other organizations. there's so many different breast cancer organizations out there. it was a positive thing for me to do to get out there and use myself as a model and maybe that would get people

to check themselves more often, to get a mammogram more often to think like oh, if it could happen to her, it can happen to me. the one thing that i learned through this was die without regret and i have a list,

this is my own list of 25 things i want to do before i die and you know, it's great to cross things off. >> it really means a lot to me when i can sit down and help a child or teach individually with a child

or teach a whole class. it means a great deal to me when i go to a school and 200 children will say good morning mrs. kent. i feel that that's part of my immortality. i feel life is very precious. i feel everyday is

very precious. it's hard to get up by the bed, it would be easier to stay in bed and have my coffee and watch television and yet it gives me a very good feeling to know that i have some place to go to get clothes on and put

on my make up and do a job that is respectful, that is respected. >> i said to my husband weeks ago something about, gee, i feel blessed going through this, you know, it teaches me to be more relaxed and to look

to myself get more centered and be able to deal with death and he looked at me like, are you crazy. >> recovering from breast cancer can be a long challenging journey. the prospect of a new positive perspective may

seem miles away, but with patience, realistic expectations, active coping strategies, and the love and support of partners, friends, and family or other survivors, most women do rebuild their lives as they move

beyond cancer. >> nobody knows what they have, but the moments are so beautiful, the days are so beautiful to be able to think about just this day and just this moment and not worry about the future, for me i just do what i can,

what i know i can to prepare for the future, but then i don't want to miss the present anymore and i feel like i was missing the present. >> so, your life will come back together, but it won't be the same and you can't expect it

to be the same. and i think if you just look at it as unfolding one day at a time and trying to keep things in perspective, you'd be very satisfied. >> i think the most important thing really is making your mark on life.

>> if you survive having cancer, it's an incredible gift because you get to live your life all over again. you get a second chance and most people never have the opportunity to look at that through those eyes

and i think you know when you're given that chance you got to run with it.